[After the rain finally stopped, Viktor dared to poke his head out the door to ascertain the situation--admittedly strange though it was.]
Remarkable. Everything looks like a mess, of course, but the skies are clear. I told you everything would be fine.
[Closing the door again, Viktor took a step towards the kitchen.]
I'll start making breakfast, then we can see about taking down the window shutters at the very least. A little natural light would help all the plants I had to take inside.
[As soon as he'd stepped away, there was a peculiar thump out on the deck. Probably a fallen branch. But maybe worth investigating.]
You did. [Jayce presses a kiss to Viktor's cheek as he joins him at the door to peek outside, and then Viktor's moving past him into the kitchen, and Jayce watches him with a disgustingly fond smile.] And you were right as always.
I'm glad we managed to get the plants inside, even if it made it a bit of a forest in here. I'll get the ladder back out after breakfast and we can de-shutter the windows. Are the plants living inside now?
[Though his question is cut off by the odd thump outside.] ... did you hear that?
[Sure enough, trundling her way around the deck and sniffing around like a curious dog was an enormous waverider. Who squinted gigantic eyes at Jayce almost as if in suspicion. Who the hell are you, sir.]
[Jayce waves a little, giving the waverider an awkward smile. Keeping an eye on it (him? her?) while he speaks over his shoulder to Viktor in the house.] Because there's a pretty big one exploring the deck.
[Viktor came outside as he answered, immediately trailing off at the sight like he'd seen a ghost. The waverider perked up the moment she caught sight of him, tail waving around eagerly.]
That's not...possible... [Breathless with honest-to-Janna shock, Viktor stepped forward and carefully held a hand out, which the giant amphibian headbutted into with a loud contented trill.] ...Rio?
[For a second, he didn't really seem to register Jayce had said anything; with a clattering of a dropped crutch Viktor ignored the ache in his leg and knelt down to put his arms around the wiggling waverider, who was very insistently nuzzling her enormous head against Viktor's. His breath hitched uncomfortably as he tried to speak, words coming out more than a little strained. Whatever he said first was nearly inaudible and in his own language, but sounded remarkably like an apology.]
[Jayce presses a hand to his mouth, feeling himself get choked up at watching this reunion. A little odd, but wonderful all the same. There is clearly a great affection between the two of them.]
It's alright, she's harmless. [Picking up his cane, Viktor pulled himself back to his feet and gestured for Jayce to come closer.] Just try not to move too quickly and let her get used to you.
[Because she had settled for sitting beside Viktor and was currently back to squinting at Jayce suspiciously. Interloper.]
She's... [He trailed off, uncertain of exactly how to answer.] ...a little unusual, but not dangerous. I used to look after her when I was much younger.
[Rio trilled in a way that sounded almost like a growl, Viktor settling a hand on her back in reassurance. Her tail thumped against the deck in irritation, but she begrudgingly sniffed at Jayce's hand before lowering her head to within petting range.]
[The... growl? Has him leaning back again, but she's at least letting him give her a few awkward pats. Which he does, fascinated by the unique texture of her skin.] Hey now, I promise I'm nice.
I'm not sure you'll fit in the tub, but I'll build you a... pool? Or at least some sort of area off of the dock, so no one comes by to bother you.
I suppose living on a boat does have its advantages in this case. She should do just fine with the water here until we determine a more lasting solution.
[A pause, hesitant and possibly even a little nervous.]
I could ask around? I've never cared for an amphibian myself, but maybe someone else here has. Or there's a library! I can see if there's a book...? [While he chats, he pets Rio absentmindedly, stroking his hand over her smooth, cool head.]
It isn't that--she is not difficult to look after, despite her size.
[Viktor shifted nervously, looking at Rio who blinked owlishly while largely ignoring Jayce despite letting him pet her.]
She lived with my acquaintance in the Undercity. I do not know the exact details, but she has some kind of...mutation. If it should still pose a problem, I do not know how to treat it.
[Jayce leans down to press a kiss to the top of Vitkor's head, squeezing his shoulder firmly.] We'll figure it out, if it happens. I'm sure there's someone here who works with genetics, or biology.
She means a lot to you, so she means a lot to me, too. I'll help her in anyway I can.
Exactly. [It's easy to wrap an arm around Viktor when he's leaning against him like this, so he does so, and happily.] And given that the boat house is pretty cozy, I think I'd know if you weren't fine. Or I'd hope you'd tell me.
...still just the same. [He answered with a small, tired smile. Rio, meanwhile, tilted her head and thumped her tail on the deck, not unlike an irritated cat.] A little better than I have been the past few days, I think.
[His hand stills on Rio's head, his full focus now on stroking Viktor's hair to help ground himself.] I got scared, that day in the kitchen. So it helps. Knowing that you're feeling better than you did that day.
[Rio pressed into Viktor's side as if in reassurance as he slipped an arm around his partner's waist, sighing quietly.]
I am sorry for frightening you, and for being unable to say it will not happen again. I never said anything before, because...I did not want to give anyone more reason to pity me, least of all you.
I never pitied you, Viktor. Not then, and certainly not now. I worry, certainly, but -- pity implies I think of you as lesser, which I don't. I couldn't.
... [Viktor didn't answer right away, his other hand resting idly on Rio's back as she made a noise somewhere between trilling and purring.]
I know. And I do not want to see that change. I have kept things to myself because I can not stand the idea of anyone thinking I am some helpless, miserable thing. What little self-sufficience I still possess is something important to me, and I do not need you or anyone else thinking me utterly incapable.
[Viktor paused, a thought occurring to him for not the first time. He'd spoken of it on Jayce's first night here, but only briefly--the tangle of complicated emotions was one he didn't really want to navigate. And he definitely didn't want to think about who must have been the one to find him that night in the lab.]
...That being said...I acknowledge I should have been more honest with you a long time ago. Before it came to a matter of waking up in the hospital.
Hey... [It takes a little effort, and there's a wince or two, but Jayce lowers himself to sit on the deck next to Viktor. Wanting to have this conversation on the same level as him, physically.] If I've ever done anything that made you feel incapable, I apologize. That's never been my intention.
I've only ever offered to help you because I feel helpless. Not because I think you are.
...I know. [He reached out to put a hand on Jayce's leg, idly working out some tension in slow and precise motions.] Helping people is in your nature. I have never disliked your efforts, it is...simply a difficult thing to accept, for me.
If it's too much, tell me. [Though what he means, what he feels, at times, is If I'm too much, tell me. Jayce Talis is a passionate person, and he feels things with his whole self. After a lifetime of being told to tone it down, he worries about overwhelming people.
He makes a quiet noise at the hand on his leg, laughing a little.] Honestly, I'm going to be relying on you a lot, while I get used to this. The brace, the cane or crutch if I end up with one. I want your help to update the brace, for sure.
I would, if I found it too much. It is more a matter of...I just do not always know how to respond to it, and perhaps never have.
[The corner of Viktor's mouth twitched into a hint of a smile as Rio curled up behind him like a supportive amphibious cushion.]
...I do not mind that. We already designed mine together, so doing as much again will be easy. And...if you wanted to rely on me, I would like that as well.
We have all the time in the world, for you to learn. For both of us to learn.
[Jayce lets out a quiet oof as Rio leaning against Viktor jostles them both, and he gives her tail a polite pat.] I know you said she's easy to care for, but I'll probably end up doing research about amphibians anyway. It's what I do, when I encounter something I'm unfamiliar with.
...I suppose we could both benefit from a little research. I have a good idea of what she eats, but past that...well, I was only around nine or so at the time, so if I knew many further details I have surely forgotten as much.
[He does somber at that a little, and presses a kiss to the top of Viktor's head in an attempt to reassure him.]
I know. And not being asked to join the rescue missions sort of drove that home for me. I need to take better care of myself, and my health. So I guess I can let you worry over me, while I adjust to this.
I caution you that it will be frustrating--endlessly so, especially for someone like you who has known...comparatively few limitations up to now. But it will be alright. We are scientists; adjusting and adapting is in our nature.
[As cautiously as if he were testing limits, Viktor took one of Jayce's hands in both of his own.]
What I am trying to say is that...when you find those limitations as suddenly as crashing into a brick wall, you can allow yourself to be upset. Infuriated, with yourself or with the circumstances--it does not matter. I will be here, and I will understand.
I promise I will. I'll try to remember all that, but I may need you to remind me, sometimes. [He watches their hands, instead of looking directly at Viktor, setting his other hand on top of them.]
I just also need you to remember that all the frustrations I feel with myself are never something I've felt towards you. The last thing I want is for you to see me angry and worry that that was the case.
...I realize that. It is...different, when it is one's own problem. I would not-
[Viktor broke off that sentence and hesitated, like he wasn't sure he was prepared to be quite that open. His own eyes lowering but no less focused, he reluctantly continued:]
I would not consider you lesser for the things I despise about myself.
[He could start again, listing all the things there are to love about Viktor. Lecture him about how he shouldn't despise himself like that, how there's nothing in him to hate.
But Viktor's heard all that from him before, and Jayce is starting to realize that repeating it isn't necessarily helpful. So instead, he presses a kiss to their joined hands.] Then we'll have to love each other enough to make up for all the things we hate about ourselves. Deal?
[It would take more than repetition--this Viktor hadn't seen the definitive evidence within Jayce's memories, and as such could only assign those words the value they had on the surface. Which was to say that he knew they weren't a lie, merely that they were wrong. There was nothing of such value to be found when it came to Viktor himself, his failing and broken body an ashen frame of skin and bone. Imperfect, undesirable, weak.]
[He'd never been able to do anything but hate it, and that was not a perspective so easily swayed.]
[The undesirable part, at least, Jayce is doing his level best to disprove. How beautiful he finds his partner, how badly he wants to be near him. He's started sleeping wrapped up in Viktor more purposefully down.]
That's all I can ask, really. Should we try to stand? [He may not have thought this through, both of them being on the ground like this.] I can try to get up first, and you can use me as leverage.
I can stand just fine without you straining yourself. Rio, come here-
[Viktor carefully pulled himself to unsteady feet, an oft-practiced motion of finding leverage on his crutch with the added help of steadying his other hand on the waverider's back. Wobbling a little from having been on the floor for so long, but finding his footing as he extended a hand.]
Just do try not to knock me over. I will be quite annoyed.
Don't be silly, I weigh twice as much as you. Just let me borrow your cane for a second, and I can manage. I think. [And he's fairly certain Rio doesn't want him leaning on her]
My arms are the only part of me with any actual strength, I would not offer if I thought it foolishness. [Gesturing for Jayce to take his hand, Viktor adjusted the other on his crutch to make sure his own support was solid.] Do not move like you are pulling yourself up, but rather push downward as you get your legs back under you A matter of leverage, not direct force.
Trust me. Even if it does not work, I promise to only be upset for...hm, thirty seconds.
Thirty seconds? Very generous, thank you. [The gesture is slightly reluctant, but he does take Viktor's hand, focusing his energy on pushing down with his good leg to get both feet back underneath him.
He's a little wobbly when he stands, but he manages, patting Viktor's shoulder in gratitude as he does.] Thanks, Vik. It'll be easier as I get more used to it.
[True to his word, Viktor's arm was surprisingly stable--not particularly strong by any metric but his own, though years of using a cane had built up something at least. Enough that he could keep himself steady while Jayce straightened himself out, with some effort.]
It will. You just need time and practice, that's all.
Oh, uh. Hm. [He runs a hand through his hair, regarding the waverider with a thoughtful frown.] Does Rio want to come with us, to the hospital? Or is she okay here. I could bring her one of the plants to munch on as a snack.
...I think she will be fine on her own? [Frowning in thought, he looked to the owlishly blinking amphibian.] I do not know how often my...acquaintance left her to her own devices, but she should be alright for a little while.
I wish I knew more, but. [He gives Rio a careful pat on the head, offering her a smile.] I know we have lettuce in the ice box, if you're hungry. Do you want some, Rio? Are you hungry? [As though the waverider will somehow answer him.]
[He squeezes Viktor's shoulder briefly before heading back into the house. In the kitchen, there isn't a bowl big enough for Rio, but there is a sheet tray! So he happily spreads some lettuce out on the tray and returns to the docks, looking pleased with himself.]
One salad, for a new friend. [And he sets the tray down in front of her, hoping it warms her to him a little.]
[She looked from the lettuce to Jayce and squinted in what looked remarkably like suspicion, then lowered her head with an exploratory sniff. After a second or two, a forked purple tongue reached out as Rio apparently decided this was appropriate tribute.]
There you go. It's alright--we'll look after you. No more living in a laboratory, I promise.
In a lab? [His face falls at that, but -- at least she's here, now. In a safe place, with someone who clearly loves her.] I'm glad she's here, then. We'll take good care of her.
[Just the same as Viktor had said himself. They were going to have a lot of hard conversations at some point, but it wasn't necessary right this minute. He shook his head and turned his attention back to Rio.]
You can watch the house for a little while, right? [She tilted her head and trilled quietly, tail waving.]
[The doctor's visit went... significantly less well than Jayce had hoped. Both his femur and his tibia had broken. Shattered, the doctor had said. (Though Jayce was fascinated by this new technology of an x-ray that allowed him to see his improperly healed leg.
He had done the best he could with the brace and some guesswork, but adjustments would be needed, and he should look into a cane. Really, he ought to have been using one the entire time, but it was too late for that.]
Well. [Jayce sighs, passing a faintly trembling hand through his hair as they exit the building together.] That was worse than I thought, I guess.
[Viktor had been quietly attentive throughout the whole process, listening with the telltale concentration of mentally taking notes. Concentrating kept the look of concern off of his face, as well as helped to bite back the pressing question of 'what the hell happened'. Which would not have been particularly helpful in this situation.]
Still, better news than when we last left a hospital together.
[Which was both an attempt at a joke and a complete breakdown of most internal filters.]
Ha, ha. [He's leaning against Viktor, just a little. Not enough to put weight on him, but more for emotional support, his head still reeling from everything.] She said I was lucky to be even walking. I guess that's something.
You can say it. I'm stubborn, often to a fault. Good thing I have you to even me out. [He's made sure to put himself on the side of Viktor opposite his cane, so he can reach over and take his hand. Automatically tangling their fingers together and squeezing.]
I'm glad you came, today. I don't think I could have done near as calmly that without you.
[He squeezed Jayce's hand in turn, gentle and reassuring.]
I have been through more than my share of hospital visits. Enough to be well past accustomed to the process, even if the details are different in this world. So if I am able to support you, I will.
And I'll be there for yours, as well. Whenever you go to make sure you're still stable, that everything is still fine? I'll be there to hear whatever news they give you.
[The hand squeeze helps. Viktor helps, just by being next to him like this.] You know? I'm even more glad now that you told me how you felt. Now I can grab your hand like this whenever I need to.
I would. I absolutely would. [Maybe his anxiety is overwhelming at times, but he doesn't feel like it's entirely unfounded. He considers, for a moment, confessing everything.
What he does instead is turn his head to rest his forehead against Viktor's temple] We can make up for lost time, now.
Jayce- [Viktor sighed quietly, turning to lean their foreheads together.]
I have...never been skilled with things like reassurance. I hope it has been enough, so far. Things will be alright. [Even if Viktor was quietly deeply afraid that they weren't; that anything could throw him out of whatever impossible balance his health was in. That wasn't important, he was used to that uncertainty--his partner was not, and that along with a thousand unknown factors clearly terrified him.]
We will take matters as they come, one at a time without need to rush anything. Together.
It has been. [He reaches up to rest his hand against the back of Vitkor's neck to hold him in that touch.] I don't need you to be anything other than who and what you are. What you give me is more than enough.
Anything that comes, we'll handle it together. Good or bad.
[Viktor had always hated hospitals. It wasn't as if he was unaware of his worsening health or his failing body over the past years, the professional opinion of a doctor was hardly necessary to inform him of the obvious. Even the several surgeries over the years that left him with medical-grade steel in his leg and spine to hold up a useless frame were nothing but a temporary fix, another thing to detest about himself. But there was little choice now that his state itself was in some nebulous stasis; close monitoring was something even Viktor conceded was a necessity.]
[And as promised, for the sake of their collective peace of mind, he'd allowed Jayce to come with him this time--the whole affair one with deeply dismal results. An impossibly clear x-ray of a malformed leg and damaged spine full of metal, blood tests that came back positive for residual metals and chemicals, and scans of a respiratory system deeply damaged beyond repair. But, and the doctor they spoke to was careful to stress this part, there was not a single point of difference one way or the other between now and the months preceding. Impossibly, nothing had changed and nothing showed any signs of changing; frozen at a prognosis of several months that had already passed.]
[So, with all that said and done, they left together into the summer sunlight with a refreshed supply of painkillers and cough suppressants alongside...not quite optimism, but a lack of fatalism at the very least.]
I told you it was fine. Do you feel better about the issue now?
Um. [Seeing his own leg smashed to pieces had been hard, but somehow this? Every detail of Viktor's broken body laid out so plainly for him, quite literally in black and white, somehow felt worse.
It reminds him of when the core had fused to Viktor, that flash of light where he saw Viktor's shattered spine. This, at least, has a more hopeful outcome. Probably.
What bothered him most was there was nothing to be done about it. Perhaps nothing Viktor would allow him to do, other than adjust his brace as needed.
[Viktor had gotten used to seeing with clarity what he already knew to be the case; a miserably failing frame barely held together, constantly betraying its own functions. But because he was so used to it, the reality no longer registered as something to worry about more than necessary. Nothing had changed, he was still alive--that was enough. The subsequent pain, he was more than used to living with.]
[Hesitantly, he reached out with the hand not on his crutch to take Jayce's own; uncertain and plainly confused about the reaction.]
I just never really could picture it in my head. What was going on underneath everything. I got a glimpse after the explosion, but I never --
Janna's mercy, Viktor. [His shoulders sag with the weight of his sigh and he slides his fingers between Viktor's to try and hold more of his hand]
This is what it's been like the whole time? And I never saw -- [He cuts himself off, because this is an argument they've had before. Viktor didn't want him to see.]
... [He let their hands settle into place together, squeezing lightly.]
'The whole time' is a bit of an overstatement. It's worsened over the past few years, but such was to be expected. Most with similar conditions degenerate faster still.
So you're lucky, is what you're saying. To only have gotten to this point. [He's trying to focus on his breathing, on the cool touch of Viktor's palm against his.]
The numbers aren't... good. But they're not getting worse, right now. [He's more talking to himself than to Viktor. Trying to solidify those facts into his brain.]
That's exactly what I'm saying, yes. [Spoken in that simple matter-of-fact tone that was so incredibly Viktor even in the face of everything this was.]
Even a literal miracle was not going to make me anything resembling healthy. But apparently, it can do the next best thing.
It's just not something I'd ever considered. I'd never thought of you as unhealthy. You've always just been... you. The most brilliant mind and generous soul I've ever met.
[He wasn't quite sure how to answer something that legitimately touching, settling on gently squeezing Jayce's hand again in the silence that followed.]
I know, Jayce. But you might be the only person that has ever seen me like that.
Can you believe me when I say that how others see you doesn't matter to me? All I care about, all I've ever cared about, is who you are when you're with me.
I...don't know. Not because I think you are being dishonest--I know that is not the case. But more that I do not see the same value as you. The person you describe may be impossible to extricate from the miserable state of everything about me.
[His voice was as calm as ever, the only sign of frustration in the white-knuckled grip on the handle of his crutch.]
I can not find worth in something broken the way that you can.
I can tell you every day, if that's what it takes. Fifty -- a hundred times a day, until you start to believe how wonderful you are.
[He presses a kiss to Viktor's temple, then stays there, nosing at his hair. Inhaling his scent and letting that ground him further.] You don't have to love yourself. I can love you enough for the both of us.
[Viktor faltered, nervously pulling his hand away and holding it close to his chest.]
I can not just...fix anything that is wrong with me, lásko--you say my best chance at trying caused far more damage than I am willing to risk, and I hate that. The only alternative is to be this wretched, damaged thing for however long my luck here should hold out, and...that isn't good enough.
That was your best chance on Runeterra, but maybe there are other chances here. Different opportunities, different kinds of magic and technology available. We could start your research fresh.
You're not. You're allowed to be scared. I just -- [He chews at his lip, frustrated at his own helplessness. His inability to fix this for the man who has his whole heart and soul.]
Tell me what you need from me, and I'll do it. Anything at all.
I am not scared- [and this was just as convincing as every other vanishingly rare lie he'd told] -only irritated that I do not know how to answer that. There is no way to fix this, at least not in the present moment.
[Viktor stepped closer again, leaning his forehead against Jayce's shoulder.]
So am I. Not with you, but with my inability to help or fix any of this. I can't make something in my forge or pull something out of the runes. I wish there were.
[Carefully, he wraps his arms around Viktor, letting him lean.] But I'm not going to stop trying.
I am not accustomed to relying on someone other than myself. Not to this extent, and I find it...frustrating. [Hesitantly, he brought an arm around his partner's waist.]
I am not everything you seem to think I am--I'm weak and painfully selfish. Even knowing that, you would still want to continue with all of this?
I--you aren't serious. [Viktor pulled away slightly, disbelief clear on his face.] I was going to put myself at risk just on the chance it would buy a little time. What about our work, our ideals, everything we aspired to do together? What kind of person prioritizes their own life over something like that?
... [Viktor tilted his head into that hand as if on autopilot, eyes tired and distant.]
I have always wanted far too many things beyond my reach. It seems...unfair, to continue chasing such things when there were more productive things to accomplish.
I think we're starting to go in circles. [And he hates that distant look on Viktor's face. It makes him think of Salo, of those odd eyes Viktor had when he emerged from the hexcore cocoon.
He cups his hand over Viktor's cheek and rests their foreheads together.] I forgive you for the risks you took. And I love you for living in spite of them.
...maybe so. [But he did relax under the affectionate touches, just slightly.] I'm...sorry I apparently didn't tell you what I was doing. And for making you worry so much now--I'm alright, I feel as close to 'fine' as I can get, I promise you that.
And that does help. It really does, knowing that you're stable. Seeing the numbers for myself. [His thumb strokes gently over Viktor's cheek and he nudges their noses together with a quiet, tired sigh.]
I don't think anything can stop me worrying about you, Viktor. Even if you were somehow healed tomorrow, I'd still worry.
For someone so brilliant, you can be painfully foolish. [Steadying himself to something a little calmer, Viktor tilted his head for the lightest brush of a kiss in response.]
You forgive me for loving you? [He laughs softly and strokes his thumb over Viktor's cheekbone, nudging their noses together.] I'm glad for that. Not sure what I'd do, if I wasn't allowed to love you.
Say it back. [He's laughing, nipping at Viktor's nose, then his ear, tweaking his chin teasingly.] Say it back because I know where you're most ticklish and I'll use that knowledge for evil if you don't.
You would torment someone who just left the hospital? [Despite that, he was just barely holding back a laugh under the attention.] How unthinkably cruel, Jayce. I had no idea the love of my life was so terrible.
The love of your life, huh? I'll take that. [Instead of tickling, he wraps his arm around Viktor's waist and kisses his cheek.] Let me take you home, love of mine. I've been practicing making grilled cheese without burning it, I'll make you lunch.
Ha, ha. We can pick up some greens for Rio, too. I know she's good about not eating the potted plants, but I'd rather not risk losing one of the children if she gets peckish.
[The evening had been rather nice. That was an understatement, even. They walked back together in slow steps and an easy tranquility, speaking on occasion of simple, mundane things--living, normally, in a way that had been difficult for both in the years prior.]
[...Many things were difficult, of course, and many things would continue to be. The door of the room in New Svihelen closed softly behind them, Viktor letting out a slow and carefully measured breath. (A little bit easier now, and a little bit more color had returned to his face as a result.)]
...I think I will see if there's any tea in the kitchen, that was a bit exhausting. [Speaking with the gentle care of someone who knew they were about to navigate a minefield:] You should go ahead and get comfortable. It will not take long.
[It really had been a lovely evening. He never thought he'd get to dance with Viktor, much less kiss him on the dancefloor, in front of a hundred other people who weren't bothered at all. And Viktor seemed less winded than he usually was, which puts Jayce at ease.
When they return, Viktor is offering tea and Jayce touches his shoulder lightly.] Sit? I'll make it. You put your leg up, I'll be with you in just a second. [He wants to have something to do with his hands while he thinks of where to start with his story.]
...alright. [He conceded much easier than usual--knowing Jayce was the kind whose restlessness was focused outward as opposed to Viktor keeping everything under lock and key. A gentle hand brushed the one on his shoulder as he turned, walking back towards the couch.]
Hey. [He catches Viktor's hand and squeezes it lightly before he moves away entirely.] Thank you. For everything. For your patience, and your understanding.
[He's reluctant to let go, but eventually does, moving over to put water in the kettle and start heating it. It feels like a goodbye, but he hopes it isn't. He hopes that Viktor's promises to listen and forgive him hold, but Jayce will understand if they can't.
When the tea is ready, he sits next to Viktor on the sofa, handing him is mug. Staring at his feet.] I think it's best to start a little after you remember. I don't think I'll be able to get through it all tonight, but we can start.
[He'd removed the outer brace on his leg while Jayce's back was turned, taking the granted time to focus on stopping his hands from shaking in nervous anticipation. There was no question in Viktor's mind that he would hold to his word no matter what he learned, but Janna be kind, what was he about to learn?]
Take it slowly. We can speak on as much or as little as you are willing to, Jayce. [For the moment, he set the mug down in favor of laying a thin hand on his forearm; watching silently for signs that Viktor might have to cut him off for long enough for his partner to collect himself.]
[The hand on his arm is greatly appreciated, and Jayce visibly relaxes at the touch, letting out a slow breath.]
Right. It was after you started using the Shimmer. I don't know -- I can't tell you if it worked, if it helped. I wish I could, but you played that close to the chest, which -- I understand. [No use regretting that now.] You were in the lab alone one night, and again you never really told me all the details, but --
[His fingers tighten around the mug a little, and he tries to take a calming sip.] Something happened with the Hexcore, that's all I know. A reaction to who knows what. An explosion, maybe. Sky was there. She -- Viktor she --
[The mug gets set down and he swallows hard, blinking back threatening tears]
[Viktor's hand went very still, but made no move to pull away.]
You mentioned before-...just briefly, but--are you saying-
[In the little bits and pieces he'd been told, Viktor vividly remembered a mention of something terrible happening to Sky. Now, with even that thin amount of further context, his blood was turning to ice and breath catching in his chest in a new and even more painful way. When he managed to choke out the end of the thought, his voice was painfully, wretchedly small:]
No -- [His hand rests on top of Viktor's and he shakes his head hard.] It's our fault. Yours and mine. The Hexcore was both of ours, and we pushed our experiments too hard, too fast. Don't you dare try to put that blame entirely on yourself. I could easily do that same, saying I should have been in the lab with you, that if I had been I could have prevented it. [Something he'd clearly wrestled with for a long time.]
If I had not apparently lied to you about what I was planning to do, then-
[As always, Viktor didn't raise his voice in the slightest; it turned quiet and sharp, frustration and anguish focused rather than explosive.]
...we will be here all night if we argue now. You...have a point. I was desperate, and even had I not been...maybe the Professor was not as wrong as we thought.
Stop -- [The sharper his voice becomes, the more Jayce feels that tightness and that guilt in his chest. He tries to ease that anguish, even a little, with a kiss to the top of his head.]
I pushed things just as hard as you did. I wanted it to work, just as desperately. I would have done the same thing, in your position.
[Viktor dropped it, for the moment--upset as he already was, this wasn't about him. Taking a slow breath, he leaned into Jayce slightly with eyes downcast.]
I uh -- [He slots his fingers between Viktor's to grip it more tightly.] I found you. At your lookout spot. The same way you found me the first day we met.
[He hopes the implication is enough for Viktor to understand what he means, so Jayce can escape the hardship of having to say it out loud.]
I got there in time, that's what matters. And we talked, about our work. About the Hexcore. You made me promise to destroy it. You were worried you wouldn't have the strength to, and so I swore to you I would.
But I didn't. Because right after that came the attack on the Council room. And you -- I had to save you, Viktor. [His mouth trembles and tears roll down his cheeks. This time, he doesn't bother stopping them.]
...Jayce. [Viktor sighed in equal parts exasperation and exhaustion, carefully wrapping thin arms around his partner's neck to pull him closer.]
I can see where I would be angry about that. Maybe I am, I...do not know what I think, right now. [The shape of something utterly unthinkable to the point of enraging was there, certainly. But at the same time...Viktor was, in his own mind, deeply selfish. Selfish enough to want to live when he didn't deserve to.]
But this, you do not have to justify. Not right now.
[Jayce allows the embrace, though he doesn't feel he deserves it. Wraps his arms around Viktor's waist and tucks in against his neck. Hiding in the familiar scent of him to try and ignore the guilt gnawing at him.]
I was scared, Viktor. Not just of losing you, but of -- everything. The attack came after you and I proposed a peace treaty with Zaun, and the Council -- after what happened, they were out for blood, and I was so so lost.
So while you were healing, I worked. I drew up blueprints of new tech to try to -- I don't know. Protect the city. Protect us. And Janna's mercy, when you saw what I had done -- the disappointment in your eyes before you left --
[Another choked noise, and a sob that shakes his whole body.]
[It took a lot of conscious effort not to pull back solely to fix Jayce with that exact look of disappointment that lanced through Viktor's head like a shard of ice. He bit his tongue immediately against weapons, Jayce, what in Janna's name is wrong with you-]
[He'd gone a little too still again, but that was the only thing betraying the sudden wave of disgust clashing with a thousand other things he was feeling at the moment. it wouldn't help, he consciously told himself, to start lecturing Jayce on something he was clearly hating himself about enough.]
...And you realize- [he started in a voice that was tense with several emotions but still careful in its admonishment] -why I would react as such, yes? Your actions with the Hexcore, I believe I could forgive--arming Piltover against my hometown is a bit more fraught of an issue.
I know, I know -- [Jayce is the one to pull away, disgusted with himself, still, for what he'd done. Furious that he let it get that far, that he let himself be so lost that he started designing weapons.
He stands and paces, ignoring the dull throb in his leg.] I was foolish. I wasn't thinking of it as your home, I -- they were pushing me, Viktor. They wanted me to use hextech in their war and I... I was so weak. I tried to push back at first, but I folded.
Jayce, wait- [He stood up with a wince, ignoring the pain that shot straight up his leg through his back in favor of catching his partner's hand to try to stop him pacing.] Look at me, focus and take a breath. Yes, I am upset, but...there is nothing to be gained in laboring over a point you have clearly been berating yourself over more than I ever could. As long as one understands a mistake, they can work to be certain not to repeat it.
...I'm sorry I was not there, even if that was out of my control.
[He allows it, stilling in his pacing but not turning back. Not yet. The remorse, the seething anger he feels towards himself still too strong.] There was a second attack. [His free hand goes to his shoulder, rubbing at the place where he can still feel the bite of the chembaron's chainsaw. The scar that curves over his shoulder there.] One of the chembarons. Of course this was used as proof that the Council was right in their decision to weaponize hextech.
I felt so lost without you, Viktor. Directionless. They gave me a direction, and I took it, knowing it was the wrong one.
[He let go of Jayce's hand in favor of leaning against that same scar, arms looping around him from behind as Viktor pressed his forehead against a spot high on his back.]
I promised you I would not go anywhere even if you managed to make me incandescently furious. And while I am certainly not to that point yet, I am still with you. Someone has to be here to remind you that you are the most idiotic genius I know, yes?
...I'm sorry, and I forgive you. So...please. Try to start forgiving yourself, just a little.
[This, too, he allows. The gently caring embrace that Viktor wraps him in. That Zaunite expression of affection, at least in part, against his shoulder. Jayce sighs again, and rests his hand over Viktor's where it sits against his chest.]
I can try. Because you want me to. But at least now you can realize why I hold you so close every night. That image of you walking out the door keeps playing in my head, and I would rather die than see that happen again.
...we have both been very stupid, haven't we? Or--will be, I do not know anymore. I am not going to blame you for one thing and act like I have not done similar or worse. Even if we failed in our every endeavor to help people...how could I walk out now, on the one who needs my help more than any other?
[Viktor squeezed a little tighter against the tremble in his voice; he'd never cried where others could see him before, and he was not about to start now.]
I am just as much to blame in this. I should have pushed back harder before they turned you into something you are not. But I was afraid as well, I think--afraid to jeopardize everything we worked towards by allowing Piltover to judge me as everything they reviled. I let myself think you enjoyed the publicity while I hid in your shadow, and if I had not been such a coward-...
[His voice cracked perilously, hitching before continuing a little more quietly.]
We can carry this together. As we should have carried everything else long before coming to this point. Please, Jayce--I will not push you to speak on anything further unless you want to. So sit down with me before one of us hurts ourselves.
Edited (wait i thought of something better) 2025-09-24 15:55 (UTC)
Time is a confusing enough concept without adding differences in timelines to it. [There's a small chuffed laugh there, and he turns to return the embrace properly.] We failed for a while. But in the end, we managed to help others like we wanted, and we did it together. I think we can do the same here. [Though hopefully without an impending apocalypse, this time]
I was afraid, too, for the same reasons. That if I didn't push myself, if I didn't fully commit to being the face of Hextech, we'd lose everything. I was a coward too, just a little differently.
But -- you're right. We've both been on our feet a while, we should sit.
I'm still-...upset, I will not pretend otherwise. But I am not going to hold it against you when you have obviously done enough of that yourself. Whatever else has happened, however things ended...it can wait. And I promise you, it will not change anything. We can still improve this world together, of that I am sure.
[Terrible as it probably was, Viktor was confident enough that would be the truth.]
Thank you for telling me, Jayce. Now, come on. [Pulling back enough to gently tug on his hand, still very aware he couldn't pull Jayce anywhere if he tried.]
You're allowed. I would be surprised if you weren't upset with me. But as long as you stay, that's what I care about.
[The moment they sit, Jayce is carefully pulling Viktor towards him. Close enough to be in Jayce's lap, if he wanted to be. Needing him as close as possible.] There's more. And it gets worse. But for tonight, that's enough.
I won't leave you. [Pausing as if to consider what he was willing to allow right now, Viktor sighed quietly before settling himself in Jayce's lap. Leaning into his shoulder, carding a thin reassuring hand through his hair. Letting himself be pulled close because...despite how much he wanted to turn and run from matters that couldn't be solved through reason and objectivity, he'd made a promise. Not only that, but he may have needed this as badly as Jayce right now.]
I may be upset now, and I surely will be later if the rest only proves to be worse. But gods, Jayce, do you think you mean so little to me that betraying what we stand for would ever make a difference?
[Even if he didn't know it yet, even at his worst and furthest gone, Viktor had forgiven Jayce again and again. The only difference now was that he had sanity enough to be angry about it.]
Even if you are the most idiotic genius on all Runeterra, you are still my partner.
[His laugh is a little rough, a little bit choked with unshed tears, but Viktor is in his lap and Jayce is holding him tight, and for now that's all he needs. Even if it all goes up in flames later, he can still have this moment.]
I should have fought harder then. I'll keep fighting for you, now that I know I have you. That we have each other, no matter what happens.
I think between us, and with the help of your friend, we can do great things here.
We both should have, do not shoulder the blame on your own. It will be alright, even if it should be difficult in getting there. We can try a little harder this time to support each other where we both need it. [He leaned his forehead against Jayce's, continuing to stroke his hair in an attempt at comfort.]
It will be good for both of us, I think, to work without so much external pressure. No Council to answer to, no investors to seek funding from--just you and I, working to help others.
It's what we've always wanted to do. [He leans happily into that touch, that bit of Zaunite affection, and squeezes Viktor all the tighter for it.]
It's what we should have been doing, but like you said -- gods, there were so many distractions. Having to fight someone every step of the way. I hope we don't have to struggle against that here, again.
I do not think we will. There is no such structure to this world as far as I can tell, and therefore the only people to decide what we will accomplish are ourselves.
[Viktor closed the small distance between them, punctuating that low and gentle assurance with a slow, lingering kiss.]
...we'll start over. All of it, from the beginning--we can do better this time.
[The noise he makes is the slightest bit surprised, but it soon melts into something content. Soft and pleased as he leans back against the couch, relaxing into it. After a moment, he tugs at Viktor's hip a little.] Turn? So you're not twisting. I need you closer.
[He didn't have to ask twice, Viktor shifting his position with a slight wince as he readjusted--straddling Jayce's lap, arms loosely wrapped around his neck.]
[And Jayce beams up at him in return, his eyes bright and his smile absolutely stupidly adoring. He sweeps his palms up Viktor's back, pressing a kiss to his chin, then to the freckle at the corner of his mouth.]
I don't tell you enough how pretty you are, Viktor. Mercy, you are the prettiest boy I've ever seen.
You are just flattering me. [The open affection was answered with a soft smile, edged with something almost forlorn.] And you do not have to. I am aware that I am not...particularly impressive, it is not necessary to say otherwise.
[And that gets a distressed look, his eyebrows pinching and tilting up. His hands still at Viktor's waist, and he presses a kiss to the freckle at Viktor's cheekbone.] Why would I need to flatter you?
Sweet Janna, Viktor, the amount of times I've gotten distracted by you in the lab? The way your hands look when you're being expressive, or the way the light catches your hair and turns it sort of caramel coloured.
...I wish I could believe that. [Viktor ducked his head, hiding his face under the pretense of brushing a feather-light kiss against his partner's neck.] But-...gods, you're perfect. Everything I wanted in every definition of the word. It would never have been possible to see myself as remarkable next to you.
Can I convince you? [He doesn't comment on his own perfection; it's a comment he'd heard a handful of times before, but had never really considered to be true. Instead he noses at the side of Viktor's face, one hand slipping between them to work at the buttons of his waistcoat so he can better feel the warmth of his partner's skin.]
[The answer was a little too sharp and insistent, like Jayce had just offered him water after months in a desert.]
...please. [His own hands started to wander, silently cursing the complexities of the formalwear Jayce looked so damn good in.] I've wanted this for years. I just-...never let myself hope you would want the same.
Me too, Vik. [His own hands are trembling a little as he carefully unpins the broach, not wanting to stick either of them, then works the cravat loose.] Gods, me too. I wasted so much time being foolish when I could have been kissing you. I intend to fix that, now that I'm sure you want it, too.
Sorry -- sorry. [He's laughing, a nervous and giddy thing, as he helps Viktor get rid of all his ornamentation and shrugs out of his very fancy jacket.] If I'm sure? Viktor, I just told you a few hours ago I had a hard time keeping my hands off you and I was worried you didn't want it. Of course I'm sure.
I feel the same. There's nothing I find undesirable about you, and I will spend every last breath I have helping you believe that. [Which might be a little dramatic, but, well. It's Jayce. And more importantly, it's Viktor.]
I'll do my best, but I make no promises. [Especially considering he'd finished with Viktor's waistcoat, and his fingers were working to untuck his shirt from his trousers.]
Did I tell you how pretty you looked tonight? I know I thought it a hundred times, but I don't remember if I ever said it out loud.
Mm, you might have. [Viktor paused long enough to take his partner's face in both hands, thumb stroking along one of the lines beneath his eyes worn in by strain and exhaustion--gentle, even reverent.]
Gods, look at you. Beautiful--you always have been.
[Jayce smiles, his expression a little dreamy, looking up at Viktor like an astronaut might look up at the stars. Something unearthly but still somehow their destiny.
And he happily leans into the touches, letting Viktor's thumbs soothe away the worry in his face.] Am I still?
Perhaps. [His smile and his laugh are both a little shy, and he reaches up to slide a hand into Viktor's hair as his partner dots him with kisses.] Gods, Viktor. I love you so damned much. Every time you look at me, I just feel... I don't even have words to put to it.
[Taking that as encouragement, Viktor hummed in acknowledgment and ducked his head a little lower, trailing kisses along his throat with the edge of a smile.]
You're brilliant. Compassionate, gentle, caring--how could I have ever done anything but fall in love with you?
Viktor -- [It comes out a little rough. Rougher, even, than his voice has been since their reunion. Something lower, a little more surprised and a lot more needy.] It's very hard to pay attention to what you're saying when you do that, I hope you know.
Then I think I am doing something right. [Thin hands lowered to slip under Jayce's shirt, tracing gentle lines along his sides.] As usual, I am the one doing most of the work and keeping us focused, no?
Oh I'm sorry, am I not touching you enough again? That seems to be a problem of mine. [Though now that he has his orders, so to speak, he works on undoing Viktor's shirt, as well. Letting his fingers brush against the other man's skin here and there as he moves.]
We'd be on this couch for a while if I did all that. I love holding you every night in bed, but sweet Janna, Viktor, I have imagined so many ways to touch you. My imagination is... creative. It gets distracting.
[Jayce lets out a sigh with a low noise as he slides his hands over Viktor's waist, whining a little when he sees how much of Viktor's waist he can get his hands on.
Then he remembers that Viktor actually said something, and he should probably reply.] Yeah, uh. Me too.
[Janna's fucking mercy, his hands practically met in the middle. Viktor had to very quickly brush aside a long list of indecent thoughts he was tempted to voice, catching Jayce's chin to gently tilt his head up.]
It's terrible--I think I have grown so accustomed to it that I would no longer know what to do without it.
[Jayce makes a quiet nngk sort of noise at both the grip on his chin and his hands practically engulfing Viktor's waist. Mercy, if this is how he dies he will have lived a good life.]
That uh -- that doesn't sound terrible to me. Not at all.
I want -- [There are too many things that he wants, right now, to properly name them, and it seems unfair that Viktor remains so eloquent while Jayce is struggling to speak. But finally, he's at least able to put words to one.] I want your skin. Can I help you out of your brace?
[Funny enough, that eloquence immediately evaporated with a faintly startled look. Whatever he'd been expecting, that seemed to catch Viktor off guard.]
I-...are you sure? You don't have to-...
[He glanced around nervously, trying to reconcile Jayce's copious praise with his own rock bottom self-image.]
I want to. [Maybe it comes out a little too eagerly, but he can't help the way his fingers are already fumbling with straps and buckles.] I told you. There's no part of you I don't want to touch. To kiss, if you'll let me.
I just need -- [Right, he shrugs out of his own shirt before slipping his hands under the leather of Viktor's brace as it's removed, moaning softly at the feeling of warm, sweatslick skin there.] Beautiful. You're beautiful.
[Viktor let out a low moan when Jayce's hands trailed over red marks where hard leather dug into pale skin all day, head dropping against his partner's shoulder as tension drained out of a thin frame.]
Could I? [It's a little breathless and a lot needy, and his hands slide down to Viktor's ass while he mentally does a few quick calculations.] I could pick you up right now, if you put your legs around my waist.
[Viktor hummed softly in thought--then pressed in close with his arms around Jayce's neck to catch him in a slow, lingering kiss. Both because he wanted to marvel at how easily they fit together like a set of matching cogs in a machine, and to quiet the sounds of discomfort at changing his position. It took a little effort, but he settled his legs around his partner's waist, pulling back only far enough to leave a playful bite against his throat.]
...would never allow this from anyone else, you know. Only you--it has only ever been you.
[Mel had been wonderful; a good friend, and a great comfort during some incredibly difficult times in his life. But it was friendship with some added intimacy, the emotions were entirely different.
Everything with Viktor is different. They work so damned well together he can't imagine them apart. Like now, when Viktor is winding around him and Jayce carefully grips the back of his thighs to lift him, standing and taking a step towards their shared bed.] It could only ever be you.
Though gods Viktor, I won't be able to get us to the damned bed if you bite my neck like that.
I won't drop you, but I might bump us into a table. [He keeps one arm tight around Viktor's waist, the other wrapped around his back so he can sink his fingers into his partner's hair, welcoming and encouraging the kiss.]
[Jayce swears under his breath and ends up leaning Viktor against a wall to try and fix him with a stern look. Which lasts all of a moment before he's laughing and kissing him again.]
That depends. [It's his turn, now, to nuzzle and nip at Viktor's neck, settling on a place around his collarbone to leave one of those requested bruises.] Is me wanting to press you against a wall most of the time a problem?
Ah- [The attention to Viktor's collarbone drew out a soft moan, fingers curling tightly in his partner's hair.] Please, gods--it's not, it is decidedly not a problem...
You say that now, but what if it gets in the way of work? [It's said with a smirk against Viktor's shoulder, fingers pressing harder against where he's gripping him, mouthing at the mark he left. Janna's mercy, this is good. The physical aspects, of course, but also the relief of being able to say everything he's wanted to say to Viktor for so long. All the sweet, silly comments he's had to hold back.]
Yeah? Regret it like how? [Though even as he says that, he is moving them away from the wall and towards the bed, already impatient himself and wanting to spread Viktor out sooner rather than later]
I think you will find I can be very patient when it serves my purposes, Jayce. And I might just remember this for next time. You will only have yourself to blame if I should decide to take all the time in the world with you.
Hmm, sounds terrible. [It's said with sarcasm, even though he knows what absolute torture it would be if Viktor did follow through with his threats.
But he sets him on the bed and moves over him with a dopey, utterly lovesick sort of smile, dusting sweet kisses here and there against his skin.] I really, really loved being able to dance with you, tonight.
[Viktor filed that thought away for later, letting out a softly appreciative hum and stroking a hand through his partner's hair. His, and no one else's.]
...wanted to do that for so long. It was wonderful, Jayce, thank you.
[All of him has always and will always belong to Viktor. In all timelines, in all possibilities.
He braces his arms against the mattress, framing Viktor's face with them so they can trade kisses like this.] I'll dance with you any time you want. You just have to ask.
Mm...I've something else in mind right now, I think.
[If that was somehow too subtle, the arms snaking around Jayce's neck to tug him down into an insistent, devouring kiss certainly was not. Neither was Viktor hooking his good leg around the other man's waist.]
[Jayce's next noise is a little surprised, but Viktor has always been very certain of what he wants, and unafraid to show it. So Jayce shifts his stance to brace a hand against the mattress, his other hand gripping the back of Viktor's thigh with an encouraging noise, opening his mouth to him eagerly.]
[Distantly, it registered that Jayce's hand just about fit around his entire thigh, which quickly put many indecent thoughts in Viktor's head. His mouth fell open with a soft moan, breaking away only far enough to bite and kiss a trail along Jayce's throat instead.]
Please-...if you're sure, if you really want this, I'm yours any way you'll have me.
[It's something he's wanted for who knows how long now. A decade, perhaps? Doesn't matter, because he can have it now. They can have it now.
He goes as slowly as either of them can handle, as gently as he can manage. Not careful, because Viktor doesn't need that, but tender, and filled with soft praise and sweet kisses pressed to Viktor's mouth, his jaw, his neck, anywhere his mouth can reach. His hands wander, gripping greedily at his partner, holding him as close as he can.
Afterwards, he wraps Viktor in his arms, pressing kisses to his hair and murmuring nonsense as he catches his breath.]
[He hadn't been totally sure what he'd expected--maybe a little rough treatment would have been nice, but a bit silly to think Jayce of all people would have done as much without being explicitly asked, least of all now. But it was just as good, he concluded, to be treated as something delicate rather than fragile; every breath of his own coming out in the kind of soft encouragement and praise he knew his partner liked.]
[Which he would still be doing after the fact, curling into his chest and mumbling half-dazed endearments half in his own native dialect.]
...you're perfect. Don't know what I did to deserve you.
Mm. [He does so love hearing Viktor speaking Zaunite to him, even if he only understands the odd word here and there. Jayce strokes his fingers through Viktor's hair, making contented noises as Viktor settles against his chest.]
I wouldn't say I'm perfect. What I am, though, is yours.
I think I've loved you since that first night in Heimerdinger's lab. But it took me a little while longer than that to realize it. I don't think it was any particular thing that made me realize it, just... you at the chalkboard, like you were every day. Lecturing me about some equation I'd fumbled, like you always did. And it hit me: oh Janna's mercy, I really love this man.
[While he rambles, he takes Viktor's scaled hand from where it is on his waist, lifting it to toy with his fingers and press kisses to his palm.]
[Viktor laughed softly under the affectionate touches to his hand, a breathless little ehehe as he nuzzled into Jayce's shoulder in some semblance of embarrassment.]
It...was the same for me. I fell for you the moment I saw you floating across from me on the ceiling. But I do not think I realized it fully until we began working together in earnest. You made a perfect space for me to stand beside you, rather than a step behind. You... [He trailed off briefly, other arm tightening around his waist.]
...I felt a sense of safety with you that I rarely had before.
That's all I want, you beside me, always. There will always be a space there for you, I promise. [He pauses, turning Viktor's hand over in his. Slotting his fingers together to study the way Jayce's skin looks against Viktor's scales. It's not quite as frightening to him, now.]
Can I tell you something? Something we were talking about, in the market. When you asked me why I was upset.
It's not difficult. Or -- it was, but it isn't anymore. [Another kiss, this time to Viktor's fingertips, before he turns his gaze onto Viktor's face.]
The Shimmer did help you, but it also... it augmented you. Shifted you, I guess. [He hates to use the word mutated, because it wasn't necessarily a negative thing. Or maybe it was, he didn't know.] This hand, and your right leg, they were a bluish purple colour, when I -- when I found you, after the attack.
The places where there are scales now, that's what the Shimmer affected. It just startled me, to make that connection. But it isn't a bad thing. It's still you, still a part of you, and that makes it something beautiful.
[Viktor hummed softly, eyes drifting to the side as he considered this. Strange--surely not a coincidence, yet there was no biological reason for anything supernatural to focus on those points.]
It is...an adjustment, but I do not dislike it. I am not sure what to think of it, just yet--far too early in the process to make any sure conclusion one way or the other.
[He shifted again, pressing closer for a light kiss to Jayce's forehead.]
...I did not take it yet before I left our world, I promise you this. [Whether Viktor realized it or not, the absence of runes cut into his skin was proof enough of that fact.] So the reasoning for this common thread is beyond me, but...I am relieved it does not bother you.
I don't care. I mean -- [He wraps both arms around Viktor again, nuzzling into his neck.] I do care, but it doesn't matter to me if you took it or not, because it was helping you. Or at least I think it was. [He hopes it was, rather than causing him more harm.]
But like I said, it's just new. A new part of the man I love that I get to -- not study, but explore. [But he is, of course, taking note on their changes, as he assumes Viktor is as well.] We can theorize about it, later, if you want. And you can tell me all about the scales on my back.
...I think we can study it a little, Jayce. [running a hand through his hair with a soft, playful smile.] We are scientists, after all. I think we could not possibly ask for better subjects, no?
I wasn't trying to make you feel like you were under a microscope, that's all. But yes, alright, I do want to study this. [He laughs a little at the hair ruffle and kisses that smile.]
My hair needs a trim, too. I can almost pull it back, I think. Changing worlds again has been... distracting, and there were bigger changes to notice.
Yeah? [Well, if Viktor thinks it would look nice, he'll have to do it. He's helpless, when it comes to anything Viktor wants, needs, or even expresses a whim for.
Gods, how did it take him this long to realize how hard he'd fallen?] I kept the beard because you liked it, you know. Because you said it made me look a little less stuffy.
I miss the shaved sides, but not enough to do anything about it. [Jayce lets his eyes slip shut with a hum, running a hand through Viktor's hair.] How do you know exactly where I need to be kissed?
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Remarkable. Everything looks like a mess, of course, but the skies are clear. I told you everything would be fine.
[Closing the door again, Viktor took a step towards the kitchen.]
I'll start making breakfast, then we can see about taking down the window shutters at the very least. A little natural light would help all the plants I had to take inside.
[As soon as he'd stepped away, there was a peculiar thump out on the deck. Probably a fallen branch. But maybe worth investigating.]
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I'm glad we managed to get the plants inside, even if it made it a bit of a forest in here. I'll get the ladder back out after breakfast and we can de-shutter the windows. Are the plants living inside now?
[Though his question is cut off by the odd thump outside.] ... did you hear that?
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[Hands busy with the coffee machine, he glanced up for a second.]
Something likely just fell onto the deck or a railing gave out, possibly. Would you mind taking a look?
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He steps outside to see what fell or fell apart and... pauses.] ... hey Viktor? Have you seen waveriders around the city, since you got here?
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[Sure enough, trundling her way around the deck and sniffing around like a curious dog was an enormous waverider. Who squinted gigantic eyes at Jayce almost as if in suspicion. Who the hell are you, sir.]
Nnnno? Why?
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Figured you'd want to know.
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[Viktor came outside as he answered, immediately trailing off at the sight like he'd seen a ghost. The waverider perked up the moment she caught sight of him, tail waving around eagerly.]
That's not...possible... [Breathless with honest-to-Janna shock, Viktor stepped forward and carefully held a hand out, which the giant amphibian headbutted into with a loud contented trill.] ...Rio?
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So Jayce hangs back a little, letting the two of them reunite and reconnect. Smiling at the shock but also joy in Viktor's expression.]
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...she's...an old friend of mine.
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Obviously, she's staying here.
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That much was never in debate. [Looking back over his shoulder with a shaky smile.] I let you stay here, after all.
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[He takes a step closer, curious, but not wanting to interrupt.] Her name is Rio, you said? Should I -- can I say hello?
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[Because she had settled for sitting beside Viktor and was currently back to squinting at Jayce suspiciously. Interloper.]
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So he approaches, a little at a time, holding his hand out in greeting.] Hey there, Rio. You're gorgeous. I'm Jayce, it's nice to meet you.
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[Rio trilled in a way that sounded almost like a growl, Viktor settling a hand on her back in reassurance. Her tail thumped against the deck in irritation, but she begrudgingly sniffed at Jayce's hand before lowering her head to within petting range.]
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I'm not sure you'll fit in the tub, but I'll build you a... pool? Or at least some sort of area off of the dock, so no one comes by to bother you.
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[A pause, hesitant and possibly even a little nervous.]
At least, I think she will.
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[Viktor shifted nervously, looking at Rio who blinked owlishly while largely ignoring Jayce despite letting him pet her.]
She lived with my acquaintance in the Undercity. I do not know the exact details, but she has some kind of...mutation. If it should still pose a problem, I do not know how to treat it.
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She means a lot to you, so she means a lot to me, too. I'll help her in anyway I can.
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...You're right. If I'm still fine, I do not see any reason the same would not apply to her.
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I am sorry for frightening you, and for being unable to say it will not happen again. I never said anything before, because...I did not want to give anyone more reason to pity me, least of all you.
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I know. And I do not want to see that change. I have kept things to myself because I can not stand the idea of anyone thinking I am some helpless, miserable thing. What little self-sufficience I still possess is something important to me, and I do not need you or anyone else thinking me utterly incapable.
[Viktor paused, a thought occurring to him for not the first time. He'd spoken of it on Jayce's first night here, but only briefly--the tangle of complicated emotions was one he didn't really want to navigate. And he definitely didn't want to think about who must have been the one to find him that night in the lab.]
...That being said...I acknowledge I should have been more honest with you a long time ago. Before it came to a matter of waking up in the hospital.
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I've only ever offered to help you because I feel helpless. Not because I think you are.
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He makes a quiet noise at the hand on his leg, laughing a little.] Honestly, I'm going to be relying on you a lot, while I get used to this. The brace, the cane or crutch if I end up with one. I want your help to update the brace, for sure.
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[The corner of Viktor's mouth twitched into a hint of a smile as Rio curled up behind him like a supportive amphibious cushion.]
...I do not mind that. We already designed mine together, so doing as much again will be easy. And...if you wanted to rely on me, I would like that as well.
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[Jayce lets out a quiet oof as Rio leaning against Viktor jostles them both, and he gives her tail a polite pat.] I know you said she's easy to care for, but I'll probably end up doing research about amphibians anyway. It's what I do, when I encounter something I'm unfamiliar with.
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...I think that would be nice. First we will have to get your leg taken care of, and then we can approach the rest.
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Ah -- yes. We can get my leg looked at, first. Since we'll be doing some walking.
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I am entirely serious, Jayce. You have been insistent upon my health for years, I should think it only right I am just as obnoxious.
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I know. And not being asked to join the rescue missions sort of drove that home for me. I need to take better care of myself, and my health. So I guess I can let you worry over me, while I adjust to this.
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[As cautiously as if he were testing limits, Viktor took one of Jayce's hands in both of his own.]
What I am trying to say is that...when you find those limitations as suddenly as crashing into a brick wall, you can allow yourself to be upset. Infuriated, with yourself or with the circumstances--it does not matter. I will be here, and I will understand.
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I just also need you to remember that all the frustrations I feel with myself are never something I've felt towards you. The last thing I want is for you to see me angry and worry that that was the case.
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[Viktor broke off that sentence and hesitated, like he wasn't sure he was prepared to be quite that open. His own eyes lowering but no less focused, he reluctantly continued:]
I would not consider you lesser for the things I despise about myself.
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But Viktor's heard all that from him before, and Jayce is starting to realize that repeating it isn't necessarily helpful. So instead, he presses a kiss to their joined hands.] Then we'll have to love each other enough to make up for all the things we hate about ourselves. Deal?
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[He'd never been able to do anything but hate it, and that was not a perspective so easily swayed.]
...this, I can at least try.
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That's all I can ask, really. Should we try to stand? [He may not have thought this through, both of them being on the ground like this.] I can try to get up first, and you can use me as leverage.
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[Viktor carefully pulled himself to unsteady feet, an oft-practiced motion of finding leverage on his crutch with the added help of steadying his other hand on the waverider's back. Wobbling a little from having been on the floor for so long, but finding his footing as he extended a hand.]
Just do try not to knock me over. I will be quite annoyed.
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Trust me. Even if it does not work, I promise to only be upset for...hm, thirty seconds.
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He's a little wobbly when he stands, but he manages, patting Viktor's shoulder in gratitude as he does.] Thanks, Vik. It'll be easier as I get more used to it.
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It will. You just need time and practice, that's all.
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[Petting Rio on the head with a small smile.]
It worked for me.
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One salad, for a new friend. [And he sets the tray down in front of her, hoping it warms her to him a little.]
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There you go. It's alright--we'll look after you. No more living in a laboratory, I promise.
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It is...a long story. I suppose there are some things neither of us really wish to talk about.
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Why don't we head to the hospital. On the way back, we can see if we can pick up a few things for her. A bed, maybe?
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[Just the same as Viktor had said himself. They were going to have a lot of hard conversations at some point, but it wasn't necessary right this minute. He shook his head and turned his attention back to Rio.]
You can watch the house for a little while, right? [She tilted her head and trilled quietly, tail waving.]
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[The doctor's visit went... significantly less well than Jayce had hoped. Both his femur and his tibia had broken. Shattered, the doctor had said. (Though Jayce was fascinated by this new technology of an x-ray that allowed him to see his improperly healed leg.
He had done the best he could with the brace and some guesswork, but adjustments would be needed, and he should look into a cane. Really, he ought to have been using one the entire time, but it was too late for that.]
Well. [Jayce sighs, passing a faintly trembling hand through his hair as they exit the building together.] That was worse than I thought, I guess.
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Still, better news than when we last left a hospital together.
[Which was both an attempt at a joke and a complete breakdown of most internal filters.]
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[He gave a thin smile, still trying to help a dismal mood in his own way.]
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I'm glad you came, today. I don't think I could have done near as calmly that without you.
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[He squeezed Jayce's hand in turn, gentle and reassuring.]
I have been through more than my share of hospital visits. Enough to be well past accustomed to the process, even if the details are different in this world. So if I am able to support you, I will.
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[The hand squeeze helps. Viktor helps, just by being next to him like this.] You know? I'm even more glad now that you told me how you felt. Now I can grab your hand like this whenever I need to.
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[They were scientists before anything else, after all.]
...We have been foolish, haven't we? All those years, and one of us could have simply...said anything.
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What he does instead is turn his head to rest his forehead against Viktor's temple] We can make up for lost time, now.
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I have...never been skilled with things like reassurance. I hope it has been enough, so far. Things will be alright. [Even if Viktor was quietly deeply afraid that they weren't; that anything could throw him out of whatever impossible balance his health was in. That wasn't important, he was used to that uncertainty--his partner was not, and that along with a thousand unknown factors clearly terrified him.]
We will take matters as they come, one at a time without need to rush anything. Together.
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Anything that comes, we'll handle it together. Good or bad.
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[Closing his eyes, Viktor let out a quiet sigh.]
No matter what happens, I will be here, and so will you. Right?
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[And as promised, for the sake of their collective peace of mind, he'd allowed Jayce to come with him this time--the whole affair one with deeply dismal results. An impossibly clear x-ray of a malformed leg and damaged spine full of metal, blood tests that came back positive for residual metals and chemicals, and scans of a respiratory system deeply damaged beyond repair. But, and the doctor they spoke to was careful to stress this part, there was not a single point of difference one way or the other between now and the months preceding. Impossibly, nothing had changed and nothing showed any signs of changing; frozen at a prognosis of several months that had already passed.]
[So, with all that said and done, they left together into the summer sunlight with a refreshed supply of painkillers and cough suppressants alongside...not quite optimism, but a lack of fatalism at the very least.]
I told you it was fine. Do you feel better about the issue now?
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It reminds him of when the core had fused to Viktor, that flash of light where he saw Viktor's shattered spine. This, at least, has a more hopeful outcome. Probably.
What bothered him most was there was nothing to be done about it. Perhaps nothing Viktor would allow him to do, other than adjust his brace as needed.
The same as ever.]
I don't know. [It's honest, at least.]
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[Viktor had gotten used to seeing with clarity what he already knew to be the case; a miserably failing frame barely held together, constantly betraying its own functions. But because he was so used to it, the reality no longer registered as something to worry about more than necessary. Nothing had changed, he was still alive--that was enough. The subsequent pain, he was more than used to living with.]
[Hesitantly, he reached out with the hand not on his crutch to take Jayce's own; uncertain and plainly confused about the reaction.]
What's wrong?
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Janna's mercy, Viktor. [His shoulders sag with the weight of his sigh and he slides his fingers between Viktor's to try and hold more of his hand]
This is what it's been like the whole time? And I never saw -- [He cuts himself off, because this is an argument they've had before. Viktor didn't want him to see.]
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'The whole time' is a bit of an overstatement. It's worsened over the past few years, but such was to be expected. Most with similar conditions degenerate faster still.
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The numbers aren't... good. But they're not getting worse, right now. [He's more talking to himself than to Viktor. Trying to solidify those facts into his brain.]
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Even a literal miracle was not going to make me anything resembling healthy. But apparently, it can do the next best thing.
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[He wasn't quite sure how to answer something that legitimately touching, settling on gently squeezing Jayce's hand again in the silence that followed.]
I know, Jayce. But you might be the only person that has ever seen me like that.
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[His voice was as calm as ever, the only sign of frustration in the white-knuckled grip on the handle of his crutch.]
I can not find worth in something broken the way that you can.
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[He presses a kiss to Viktor's temple, then stays there, nosing at his hair. Inhaling his scent and letting that ground him further.] You don't have to love yourself. I can love you enough for the both of us.
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...I can't stand this. Even if such stability is reassuring, it is not enough. I'm not enough, not like this.
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He leans back just a little, afraid now that he's pushed too hard.]
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[Viktor faltered, nervously pulling his hand away and holding it close to his chest.]
I can not just...fix anything that is wrong with me, lásko--you say my best chance at trying caused far more damage than I am willing to risk, and I hate that. The only alternative is to be this wretched, damaged thing for however long my luck here should hold out, and...that isn't good enough.
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[What if there isn't? What if anything I try just ends up hurting someone else?]
[Viktor pressed a hand to his eyes, trying to forcibly pull himself back together.]
--no, I'm sorry. I'm being ridiculous, of course you're right.
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Tell me what you need from me, and I'll do it. Anything at all.
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[Viktor stepped closer again, leaning his forehead against Jayce's shoulder.]
I am just...tired.
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[Carefully, he wraps his arms around Viktor, letting him lean.] But I'm not going to stop trying.
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I am not everything you seem to think I am--I'm weak and painfully selfish. Even knowing that, you would still want to continue with all of this?
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Have you not considered that our work couldn't continue if you're not here to do it? Of course you would take that risk.
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I have always wanted far too many things beyond my reach. It seems...unfair, to continue chasing such things when there were more productive things to accomplish.
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He cups his hand over Viktor's cheek and rests their foreheads together.] I forgive you for the risks you took. And I love you for living in spite of them.
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I don't think anything can stop me worrying about you, Viktor. Even if you were somehow healed tomorrow, I'd still worry.
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From a safe distance, while holding a fire extinguisher.
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post-masquerade
[...Many things were difficult, of course, and many things would continue to be. The door of the room in New Svihelen closed softly behind them, Viktor letting out a slow and carefully measured breath. (A little bit easier now, and a little bit more color had returned to his face as a result.)]
...I think I will see if there's any tea in the kitchen, that was a bit exhausting. [Speaking with the gentle care of someone who knew they were about to navigate a minefield:] You should go ahead and get comfortable. It will not take long.
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When they return, Viktor is offering tea and Jayce touches his shoulder lightly.] Sit? I'll make it. You put your leg up, I'll be with you in just a second. [He wants to have something to do with his hands while he thinks of where to start with his story.]
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Take as long as you need to.
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[He's reluctant to let go, but eventually does, moving over to put water in the kettle and start heating it. It feels like a goodbye, but he hopes it isn't. He hopes that Viktor's promises to listen and forgive him hold, but Jayce will understand if they can't.
When the tea is ready, he sits next to Viktor on the sofa, handing him is mug. Staring at his feet.] I think it's best to start a little after you remember. I don't think I'll be able to get through it all tonight, but we can start.
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Take it slowly. We can speak on as much or as little as you are willing to, Jayce. [For the moment, he set the mug down in favor of laying a thin hand on his forearm; watching silently for signs that Viktor might have to cut him off for long enough for his partner to collect himself.]
I'm listening.
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Right. It was after you started using the Shimmer. I don't know -- I can't tell you if it worked, if it helped. I wish I could, but you played that close to the chest, which -- I understand. [No use regretting that now.] You were in the lab alone one night, and again you never really told me all the details, but --
[His fingers tighten around the mug a little, and he tries to take a calming sip.] Something happened with the Hexcore, that's all I know. A reaction to who knows what. An explosion, maybe. Sky was there. She -- Viktor she --
[The mug gets set down and he swallows hard, blinking back threatening tears]
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[Viktor's hand went very still, but made no move to pull away.]
You mentioned before-...just briefly, but--are you saying-
[In the little bits and pieces he'd been told, Viktor vividly remembered a mention of something terrible happening to Sky. Now, with even that thin amount of further context, his blood was turning to ice and breath catching in his chest in a new and even more painful way. When he managed to choke out the end of the thought, his voice was painfully, wretchedly small:]
...it was my fault?
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[As always, Viktor didn't raise his voice in the slightest; it turned quiet and sharp, frustration and anguish focused rather than explosive.]
...we will be here all night if we argue now. You...have a point. I was desperate, and even had I not been...maybe the Professor was not as wrong as we thought.
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I pushed things just as hard as you did. I wanted it to work, just as desperately. I would have done the same thing, in your position.
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...alright. What happened next?
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[He hopes the implication is enough for Viktor to understand what he means, so Jayce can escape the hardship of having to say it out loud.]
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[Tired and resigned as he answered, gently sueezing Jayce's hand.]
I'm...sorry.
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But I didn't. Because right after that came the attack on the Council room. And you -- I had to save you, Viktor. [His mouth trembles and tears roll down his cheeks. This time, he doesn't bother stopping them.]
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I can see where I would be angry about that. Maybe I am, I...do not know what I think, right now. [The shape of something utterly unthinkable to the point of enraging was there, certainly. But at the same time...Viktor was, in his own mind, deeply selfish. Selfish enough to want to live when he didn't deserve to.]
But this, you do not have to justify. Not right now.
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I was scared, Viktor. Not just of losing you, but of -- everything. The attack came after you and I proposed a peace treaty with Zaun, and the Council -- after what happened, they were out for blood, and I was so so lost.
So while you were healing, I worked. I drew up blueprints of new tech to try to -- I don't know. Protect the city. Protect us. And Janna's mercy, when you saw what I had done -- the disappointment in your eyes before you left --
[Another choked noise, and a sob that shakes his whole body.]
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[It took a lot of conscious effort not to pull back solely to fix Jayce with that exact look of disappointment that lanced through Viktor's head like a shard of ice. He bit his tongue immediately against weapons, Jayce, what in Janna's name is wrong with you-]
[He'd gone a little too still again, but that was the only thing betraying the sudden wave of disgust clashing with a thousand other things he was feeling at the moment. it wouldn't help, he consciously told himself, to start lecturing Jayce on something he was clearly hating himself about enough.]
...And you realize- [he started in a voice that was tense with several emotions but still careful in its admonishment] -why I would react as such, yes? Your actions with the Hexcore, I believe I could forgive--arming Piltover against my hometown is a bit more fraught of an issue.
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He stands and paces, ignoring the dull throb in his leg.] I was foolish. I wasn't thinking of it as your home, I -- they were pushing me, Viktor. They wanted me to use hextech in their war and I... I was so weak. I tried to push back at first, but I folded.
And I'm sorry.
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...I'm sorry I was not there, even if that was out of my control.
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I felt so lost without you, Viktor. Directionless. They gave me a direction, and I took it, knowing it was the wrong one.
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[He let go of Jayce's hand in favor of leaning against that same scar, arms looping around him from behind as Viktor pressed his forehead against a spot high on his back.]
I promised you I would not go anywhere even if you managed to make me incandescently furious. And while I am certainly not to that point yet, I am still with you. Someone has to be here to remind you that you are the most idiotic genius I know, yes?
...I'm sorry, and I forgive you. So...please. Try to start forgiving yourself, just a little.
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I can try. Because you want me to. But at least now you can realize why I hold you so close every night. That image of you walking out the door keeps playing in my head, and I would rather die than see that happen again.
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[Viktor squeezed a little tighter against the tremble in his voice; he'd never cried where others could see him before, and he was not about to start now.]
I am just as much to blame in this. I should have pushed back harder before they turned you into something you are not. But I was afraid as well, I think--afraid to jeopardize everything we worked towards by allowing Piltover to judge me as everything they reviled. I let myself think you enjoyed the publicity while I hid in your shadow, and if I had not been such a coward-...
[His voice cracked perilously, hitching before continuing a little more quietly.]
We can carry this together. As we should have carried everything else long before coming to this point. Please, Jayce--I will not push you to speak on anything further unless you want to. So sit down with me before one of us hurts ourselves.
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I was afraid, too, for the same reasons. That if I didn't push myself, if I didn't fully commit to being the face of Hextech, we'd lose everything. I was a coward too, just a little differently.
But -- you're right. We've both been on our feet a while, we should sit.
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[Terrible as it probably was, Viktor was confident enough that would be the truth.]
Thank you for telling me, Jayce. Now, come on. [Pulling back enough to gently tug on his hand, still very aware he couldn't pull Jayce anywhere if he tried.]
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[The moment they sit, Jayce is carefully pulling Viktor towards him. Close enough to be in Jayce's lap, if he wanted to be. Needing him as close as possible.] There's more. And it gets worse. But for tonight, that's enough.
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I may be upset now, and I surely will be later if the rest only proves to be worse. But gods, Jayce, do you think you mean so little to me that betraying what we stand for would ever make a difference?
[Even if he didn't know it yet, even at his worst and furthest gone, Viktor had forgiven Jayce again and again. The only difference now was that he had sanity enough to be angry about it.]
Even if you are the most idiotic genius on all Runeterra, you are still my partner.
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I should have fought harder then. I'll keep fighting for you, now that I know I have you. That we have each other, no matter what happens.
I think between us, and with the help of your friend, we can do great things here.
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It will be good for both of us, I think, to work without so much external pressure. No Council to answer to, no investors to seek funding from--just you and I, working to help others.
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It's what we should have been doing, but like you said -- gods, there were so many distractions. Having to fight someone every step of the way. I hope we don't have to struggle against that here, again.
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[Viktor closed the small distance between them, punctuating that low and gentle assurance with a slow, lingering kiss.]
...we'll start over. All of it, from the beginning--we can do better this time.
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[Which he did, one hand tangling loosely in Jayce's hair as Viktor leaned in for another kiss. Gods, he might never get tired of this.]
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Better?
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I don't tell you enough how pretty you are, Viktor. Mercy, you are the prettiest boy I've ever seen.
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Sweet Janna, Viktor, the amount of times I've gotten distracted by you in the lab? The way your hands look when you're being expressive, or the way the light catches your hair and turns it sort of caramel coloured.
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[The answer was a little too sharp and insistent, like Jayce had just offered him water after months in a desert.]
...please. [His own hands started to wander, silently cursing the complexities of the formalwear Jayce looked so damn good in.] I've wanted this for years. I just-...never let myself hope you would want the same.
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It's fine--we've both been so stupid for so long. We can still--if you're sure I am what you want, then I'm yours.
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...okay. Okay. Then I will be abundantly clear from here on out: I absolutely want you. I always have.
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[Said like he wasn't working to unbutton that shirt at that very moment.]
...Maybe just a little carried away.
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Did I tell you how pretty you looked tonight? I know I thought it a hundred times, but I don't remember if I ever said it out loud.
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Gods, look at you. Beautiful--you always have been.
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And he happily leans into the touches, letting Viktor's thumbs soothe away the worry in his face.] Am I still?
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Perhaps I am not the only one needing convincing, hm?
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You're brilliant. Compassionate, gentle, caring--how could I have ever done anything but fall in love with you?
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Gods, Jayce, I need you to touch me every way you could possibly want to.
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[Viktor pulled back by inches, shrugging off his own shirt.]
I have...grown to like this lack of personal space between us.
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Then he remembers that Viktor actually said something, and he should probably reply.] Yeah, uh. Me too.
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[Janna's fucking mercy, his hands practically met in the middle. Viktor had to very quickly brush aside a long list of indecent thoughts he was tempted to voice, catching Jayce's chin to gently tilt his head up.]
It's terrible--I think I have grown so accustomed to it that I would no longer know what to do without it.
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That uh -- that doesn't sound terrible to me. Not at all.
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[His tone was lightly teasing, hands dropping to run along Jayce's shoulders with full intent of getting his shirt off in turn.]
Now, I might never be able to stop.
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I-...are you sure? You don't have to-...
[He glanced around nervously, trying to reconcile Jayce's copious praise with his own rock bottom self-image.]
...y-yes, if--if you want to.
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[Which came out more as a soft admission than flirting, Viktor's hands a little steadier as he unfastened the brace in much more practiced motions.]
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...still don't believe you.
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...would never allow this from anyone else, you know. Only you--it has only ever been you.
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Everything with Viktor is different. They work so damned well together he can't imagine them apart. Like now, when Viktor is winding around him and Jayce carefully grips the back of his thighs to lift him, standing and taking a step towards their shared bed.] It could only ever be you.
Though gods Viktor, I won't be able to get us to the damned bed if you bite my neck like that.
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[And yet, somehow, not a dealbreaker. Though he did lighten up just a little, pressing a kiss to the same spot he'd bitten as if in apology.]
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Helluva time to pressure test me, you know.
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You're a menace, do you know that?
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If you continue teasing me, I will find a way to make you regret it.
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But he sets him on the bed and moves over him with a dopey, utterly lovesick sort of smile, dusting sweet kisses here and there against his skin.] I really, really loved being able to dance with you, tonight.
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...wanted to do that for so long. It was wonderful, Jayce, thank you.
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He braces his arms against the mattress, framing Viktor's face with them so they can trade kisses like this.] I'll dance with you any time you want. You just have to ask.
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[If that was somehow too subtle, the arms snaking around Jayce's neck to tug him down into an insistent, devouring kiss certainly was not. Neither was Viktor hooking his good leg around the other man's waist.]
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Please-...if you're sure, if you really want this, I'm yours any way you'll have me.
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He goes as slowly as either of them can handle, as gently as he can manage. Not careful, because Viktor doesn't need that, but tender, and filled with soft praise and sweet kisses pressed to Viktor's mouth, his jaw, his neck, anywhere his mouth can reach. His hands wander, gripping greedily at his partner, holding him as close as he can.
Afterwards, he wraps Viktor in his arms, pressing kisses to his hair and murmuring nonsense as he catches his breath.]
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[Which he would still be doing after the fact, curling into his chest and mumbling half-dazed endearments half in his own native dialect.]
...you're perfect. Don't know what I did to deserve you.
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I wouldn't say I'm perfect. What I am, though, is yours.
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[He hummed softly, arms slipping around the other man's waist as he pressed closer.]
...I love you. I always have.
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[While he rambles, he takes Viktor's scaled hand from where it is on his waist, lifting it to toy with his fingers and press kisses to his palm.]
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It...was the same for me. I fell for you the moment I saw you floating across from me on the ceiling. But I do not think I realized it fully until we began working together in earnest. You made a perfect space for me to stand beside you, rather than a step behind. You... [He trailed off briefly, other arm tightening around his waist.]
...I felt a sense of safety with you that I rarely had before.
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Can I tell you something? Something we were talking about, in the market. When you asked me why I was upset.
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It's alright. Whatever it is...this is where I belong. I do not intend to leave, no matter how difficult things may become.
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The Shimmer did help you, but it also... it augmented you. Shifted you, I guess. [He hates to use the word mutated, because it wasn't necessarily a negative thing. Or maybe it was, he didn't know.] This hand, and your right leg, they were a bluish purple colour, when I -- when I found you, after the attack.
The places where there are scales now, that's what the Shimmer affected. It just startled me, to make that connection. But it isn't a bad thing. It's still you, still a part of you, and that makes it something beautiful.
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It is...an adjustment, but I do not dislike it. I am not sure what to think of it, just yet--far too early in the process to make any sure conclusion one way or the other.
[He shifted again, pressing closer for a light kiss to Jayce's forehead.]
...I did not take it yet before I left our world, I promise you this. [Whether Viktor realized it or not, the absence of runes cut into his skin was proof enough of that fact.] So the reasoning for this common thread is beyond me, but...I am relieved it does not bother you.
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But like I said, it's just new. A new part of the man I love that I get to -- not study, but explore. [But he is, of course, taking note on their changes, as he assumes Viktor is as well.] We can theorize about it, later, if you want. And you can tell me all about the scales on my back.
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My hair needs a trim, too. I can almost pull it back, I think. Changing worlds again has been... distracting, and there were bigger changes to notice.
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Gods, how did it take him this long to realize how hard he'd fallen?] I kept the beard because you liked it, you know. Because you said it made me look a little less stuffy.
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You're beautiful. You always have been. But this is definitely a good look for you.
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...The longer hair is much better, if you want my professional opinion.
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[The comment gets a raised eyebrow and a bemused look.] Your professional opinion? Are you a hairdresser, in addition to a scientific genius?