What are y- [That was all he managed to get out except for the abrupt gasp of surprise that was swiftly interrupted, gold eyes wide with shock as Viktor's mind raced with something like panic--we can't, he can't do this, what is he thinking, this is just going to hurt him--before going abruptly blank.]
[Because of course he wanted this, no matter how terrible an idea. No matter how much it was going to hurt the one person who mattered, selfish as Viktor was he still wanted it. He needed this warmth and contact now more than ever--thin and trembling fingers twisting in Jayce's collar, a soft and desperate whine vibrating in the back of his throat. Please. Please don't leave me alone.]
[One knee goes to the sofa cushion so he can support himself without taking his hands off of Viktor, and he needs to be closer right now. He should have done this ages ago. He should have done this while they were floating that night, and every night since.
There's a moment of worry, of doubt, but then Viktor is pulling him close and oh sweet mercy that noise. Even if this doesn't go beyond today, at least he'll have that noise and the feeling of Viktor's mouth against his to remember.]
Jayce- [Barely louder than a whisper, soft and insistent against his partner's mouth as Viktor tried as hard as he could to formulate an argument. Or any real coherent thought at all, half-lidded eyes trying to keep some semblance of focus.] -you shouldn't-...I-...
[Logic was desperately trying to get desire in a headlock and stop this before it started, with limited success judging by how any objection faltered in quietly shuddering breaths.]
Maybe not. [He can feel Viktor's breath against his mouth, and he decides then and there that this is worth everything. He strokes the backs of his fingers over his partner's cheek, pulling away only a little to try and judge his expression. Seeking answers that don't quite have questions.]
But this is what I meant. This is where my affection lies. Here, with you.
With all due respect, Viktor? Fuck "can". [He laughs, a little breathless, a little giddy, and tucks a wayward piece of hair behind Viktor's ear.] I want to do this.
[Viktor couldn't bring himself to look up, because he knew he'd give in the second he did. Eyes closed and mouth pressed into a thin, trembling line, when he finally spoke it was in quiet words on the brink of shattering like glass.]
Please. Do not do this to yourself. You can do so much better than...than something broken- [His voice cracked under what felt like the pressure of everything collapsing in on him, Viktor pressing a hand to his mouth as if trying to silence it.]
Viktor... [He says the name like it's a treasure, like it's something as precious to him as one of his crystals. Slowly, he moves to sit next to Viktor again, taking his hand and pressing a kiss to his knuckles.]
You might be -- [Dying, he can't quite say.] You might be sick, but I don't think you're broken. Not to me, anyway.
I didn't leave your side the whole time you were in the hospital, Viktor, and I don't plan on doing so now. [He occupies his nervous energy by toying with Viktor's fingers. The ones he's watched so many times, gesturing while he talks.]
Why don't we do it this way. I had planned on staying a few days until you feel more ready to be back in the lab. The doctor suggested at least another two or three days of rest, anyway.
If, by the end of that, I discover this isn't what I want, I'll make my decision then. That's a more scientific approach, don't you think? [It's a little needling, and it's said with a slightly wry smile.]
Well I'm glad you wouldn't hate my company. [He nudges his shoulder against Viktor's teasingly.] Besides, who else could bring you my mom's sopita de estrellitas? It's um -- it's like a tomato soup with little star shaped noodles.
She makes it for me whenever I'm not feeling well. Says it can cure anything.
[That smile warms something at the centre of his chest, and he presses a small kiss to Viktor's fingertips.] Then... that's what we'll do. Neither of us have to make a decision either way, for a while.
[Jayce looks rather embarrassed, remembering suddenly why they're here in the first place.] Oh -- gods, of course you are. Here I am rambling away at you. I need to run out and get a few things, but let's get you comfortable, first.
If you tell me where your sheets and things are, I can get your bed ready.
I'm trusting you on this. [He's trying to lighten to mood a little. A bit of silliness for the sake of some levity after the strain of the past few days.] But if I come back and you fainted again, I'm going to be extremely upset.
I worry the correct amount. I ran tests and gathered data, that's my conclusion. [There's a temptation to kiss Viktor somehow as he stands. On the cheek, or the forehead perhaps. He settles for passing a hand over his partner's hair, ruffling it lightly.]
Any requests, while I'm out? Not necessarily something you need, but something you might want.
I'll be back, then. With an overnight bag for me, sopita for you -- and Janna knows probably a bunch of other food. Her personal tea blend, certainly, that she won't even tell me how to make.
So remember! [He grabs his bag and slings it over his shoulder.] I'm not spoiling you, my mom is. So you're obligated to accept it.
I will be here when you get back, and decidedly not on the floor.
[True to his word, however long it took Jayce to get back, Viktor would be found in his room--or rather, he'd find a pile of blankets in the vague shape of someone curled up underneath them in the characteristic way of feeling particularly unwell, back and leg braces lying across a nearby chair.]
[When Jayce returns, he brings with him his usual messenger bag, plus a small duffle with a few changes of clothes and some essentials. In his arms are two large paper grocery bags filled with containers of the promised sopita, a few tins of Ximena's powdered tea mix, and a variety of meals in small containers that are easy to reheat. Jayce didn't count, but he suspects there's enough food to last for almost two weeks.
Everything gets put away in the fridge, and Jayce's back gets set on the sofa to deal with later. When he peeks into Viktor's bedroom, he sees the blanket lump.] Hmm. Well, mysterious blanket pile, have you seen Viktor?
[There was a wordless mumble of affirmation, the blanket shifting like it was curling in on itself a little further. Probably a worse day than Viktor had been letting on, or one that had caught up to him.]
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[Because of course he wanted this, no matter how terrible an idea. No matter how much it was going to hurt the one person who mattered, selfish as Viktor was he still wanted it. He needed this warmth and contact now more than ever--thin and trembling fingers twisting in Jayce's collar, a soft and desperate whine vibrating in the back of his throat. Please. Please don't leave me alone.]
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There's a moment of worry, of doubt, but then Viktor is pulling him close and oh sweet mercy that noise. Even if this doesn't go beyond today, at least he'll have that noise and the feeling of Viktor's mouth against his to remember.]
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[Logic was desperately trying to get desire in a headlock and stop this before it started, with limited success judging by how any objection faltered in quietly shuddering breaths.]
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But this is what I meant. This is where my affection lies. Here, with you.
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[Slowly, Viktor forced himself to let go of Jayce's collar; turning his head and lowering his eyes rather than look at him.]
I can not let you do this. For your own sake, just stop this now before one of us does something you will regret later.
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I'd regret it more if we didn't try.
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[Viktor couldn't bring himself to look up, because he knew he'd give in the second he did. Eyes closed and mouth pressed into a thin, trembling line, when he finally spoke it was in quiet words on the brink of shattering like glass.]
Please. Do not do this to yourself. You can do so much better than...than something broken- [His voice cracked under what felt like the pressure of everything collapsing in on him, Viktor pressing a hand to his mouth as if trying to silence it.]
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You might be -- [Dying, he can't quite say.] You might be sick, but I don't think you're broken. Not to me, anyway.
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You can not possibly truly want this.
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Why don't we do it this way. I had planned on staying a few days until you feel more ready to be back in the lab. The doctor suggested at least another two or three days of rest, anyway.
If, by the end of that, I discover this isn't what I want, I'll make my decision then. That's a more scientific approach, don't you think? [It's a little needling, and it's said with a slightly wry smile.]
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...fine. Fine. I...would not hate the company, at least. If you want to stay that badly, I will not stop you.
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She makes it for me whenever I'm not feeling well. Says it can cure anything.
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That...does sound nice, actually.
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I think right now I am just...tired, Jayce.
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If you tell me where your sheets and things are, I can get your bed ready.
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Any requests, while I'm out? Not necessarily something you need, but something you might want.
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No, there is nothing I can think of.
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So remember! [He grabs his bag and slings it over his shoulder.] I'm not spoiling you, my mom is. So you're obligated to accept it.
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[True to his word, however long it took Jayce to get back, Viktor would be found in his room--or rather, he'd find a pile of blankets in the vague shape of someone curled up underneath them in the characteristic way of feeling particularly unwell, back and leg braces lying across a nearby chair.]
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Everything gets put away in the fridge, and Jayce's back gets set on the sofa to deal with later. When he peeks into Viktor's bedroom, he sees the blanket lump.] Hmm. Well, mysterious blanket pile, have you seen Viktor?
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