[He does somber at that a little, and presses a kiss to the top of Viktor's head in an attempt to reassure him.]
I know. And not being asked to join the rescue missions sort of drove that home for me. I need to take better care of myself, and my health. So I guess I can let you worry over me, while I adjust to this.
I caution you that it will be frustrating--endlessly so, especially for someone like you who has known...comparatively few limitations up to now. But it will be alright. We are scientists; adjusting and adapting is in our nature.
[As cautiously as if he were testing limits, Viktor took one of Jayce's hands in both of his own.]
What I am trying to say is that...when you find those limitations as suddenly as crashing into a brick wall, you can allow yourself to be upset. Infuriated, with yourself or with the circumstances--it does not matter. I will be here, and I will understand.
I promise I will. I'll try to remember all that, but I may need you to remind me, sometimes. [He watches their hands, instead of looking directly at Viktor, setting his other hand on top of them.]
I just also need you to remember that all the frustrations I feel with myself are never something I've felt towards you. The last thing I want is for you to see me angry and worry that that was the case.
...I realize that. It is...different, when it is one's own problem. I would not-
[Viktor broke off that sentence and hesitated, like he wasn't sure he was prepared to be quite that open. His own eyes lowering but no less focused, he reluctantly continued:]
I would not consider you lesser for the things I despise about myself.
[He could start again, listing all the things there are to love about Viktor. Lecture him about how he shouldn't despise himself like that, how there's nothing in him to hate.
But Viktor's heard all that from him before, and Jayce is starting to realize that repeating it isn't necessarily helpful. So instead, he presses a kiss to their joined hands.] Then we'll have to love each other enough to make up for all the things we hate about ourselves. Deal?
[It would take more than repetition--this Viktor hadn't seen the definitive evidence within Jayce's memories, and as such could only assign those words the value they had on the surface. Which was to say that he knew they weren't a lie, merely that they were wrong. There was nothing of such value to be found when it came to Viktor himself, his failing and broken body an ashen frame of skin and bone. Imperfect, undesirable, weak.]
[He'd never been able to do anything but hate it, and that was not a perspective so easily swayed.]
[The undesirable part, at least, Jayce is doing his level best to disprove. How beautiful he finds his partner, how badly he wants to be near him. He's started sleeping wrapped up in Viktor more purposefully down.]
That's all I can ask, really. Should we try to stand? [He may not have thought this through, both of them being on the ground like this.] I can try to get up first, and you can use me as leverage.
I can stand just fine without you straining yourself. Rio, come here-
[Viktor carefully pulled himself to unsteady feet, an oft-practiced motion of finding leverage on his crutch with the added help of steadying his other hand on the waverider's back. Wobbling a little from having been on the floor for so long, but finding his footing as he extended a hand.]
Just do try not to knock me over. I will be quite annoyed.
Don't be silly, I weigh twice as much as you. Just let me borrow your cane for a second, and I can manage. I think. [And he's fairly certain Rio doesn't want him leaning on her]
My arms are the only part of me with any actual strength, I would not offer if I thought it foolishness. [Gesturing for Jayce to take his hand, Viktor adjusted the other on his crutch to make sure his own support was solid.] Do not move like you are pulling yourself up, but rather push downward as you get your legs back under you A matter of leverage, not direct force.
Trust me. Even if it does not work, I promise to only be upset for...hm, thirty seconds.
Thirty seconds? Very generous, thank you. [The gesture is slightly reluctant, but he does take Viktor's hand, focusing his energy on pushing down with his good leg to get both feet back underneath him.
He's a little wobbly when he stands, but he manages, patting Viktor's shoulder in gratitude as he does.] Thanks, Vik. It'll be easier as I get more used to it.
[True to his word, Viktor's arm was surprisingly stable--not particularly strong by any metric but his own, though years of using a cane had built up something at least. Enough that he could keep himself steady while Jayce straightened himself out, with some effort.]
It will. You just need time and practice, that's all.
Oh, uh. Hm. [He runs a hand through his hair, regarding the waverider with a thoughtful frown.] Does Rio want to come with us, to the hospital? Or is she okay here. I could bring her one of the plants to munch on as a snack.
...I think she will be fine on her own? [Frowning in thought, he looked to the owlishly blinking amphibian.] I do not know how often my...acquaintance left her to her own devices, but she should be alright for a little while.
I wish I knew more, but. [He gives Rio a careful pat on the head, offering her a smile.] I know we have lettuce in the ice box, if you're hungry. Do you want some, Rio? Are you hungry? [As though the waverider will somehow answer him.]
[He squeezes Viktor's shoulder briefly before heading back into the house. In the kitchen, there isn't a bowl big enough for Rio, but there is a sheet tray! So he happily spreads some lettuce out on the tray and returns to the docks, looking pleased with himself.]
One salad, for a new friend. [And he sets the tray down in front of her, hoping it warms her to him a little.]
[She looked from the lettuce to Jayce and squinted in what looked remarkably like suspicion, then lowered her head with an exploratory sniff. After a second or two, a forked purple tongue reached out as Rio apparently decided this was appropriate tribute.]
There you go. It's alright--we'll look after you. No more living in a laboratory, I promise.
In a lab? [His face falls at that, but -- at least she's here, now. In a safe place, with someone who clearly loves her.] I'm glad she's here, then. We'll take good care of her.
[Just the same as Viktor had said himself. They were going to have a lot of hard conversations at some point, but it wasn't necessary right this minute. He shook his head and turned his attention back to Rio.]
You can watch the house for a little while, right? [She tilted her head and trilled quietly, tail waving.]
[The doctor's visit went... significantly less well than Jayce had hoped. Both his femur and his tibia had broken. Shattered, the doctor had said. (Though Jayce was fascinated by this new technology of an x-ray that allowed him to see his improperly healed leg.
He had done the best he could with the brace and some guesswork, but adjustments would be needed, and he should look into a cane. Really, he ought to have been using one the entire time, but it was too late for that.]
Well. [Jayce sighs, passing a faintly trembling hand through his hair as they exit the building together.] That was worse than I thought, I guess.
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Ah -- yes. We can get my leg looked at, first. Since we'll be doing some walking.
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I am entirely serious, Jayce. You have been insistent upon my health for years, I should think it only right I am just as obnoxious.
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I know. And not being asked to join the rescue missions sort of drove that home for me. I need to take better care of myself, and my health. So I guess I can let you worry over me, while I adjust to this.
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[As cautiously as if he were testing limits, Viktor took one of Jayce's hands in both of his own.]
What I am trying to say is that...when you find those limitations as suddenly as crashing into a brick wall, you can allow yourself to be upset. Infuriated, with yourself or with the circumstances--it does not matter. I will be here, and I will understand.
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I just also need you to remember that all the frustrations I feel with myself are never something I've felt towards you. The last thing I want is for you to see me angry and worry that that was the case.
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[Viktor broke off that sentence and hesitated, like he wasn't sure he was prepared to be quite that open. His own eyes lowering but no less focused, he reluctantly continued:]
I would not consider you lesser for the things I despise about myself.
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But Viktor's heard all that from him before, and Jayce is starting to realize that repeating it isn't necessarily helpful. So instead, he presses a kiss to their joined hands.] Then we'll have to love each other enough to make up for all the things we hate about ourselves. Deal?
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[He'd never been able to do anything but hate it, and that was not a perspective so easily swayed.]
...this, I can at least try.
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That's all I can ask, really. Should we try to stand? [He may not have thought this through, both of them being on the ground like this.] I can try to get up first, and you can use me as leverage.
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[Viktor carefully pulled himself to unsteady feet, an oft-practiced motion of finding leverage on his crutch with the added help of steadying his other hand on the waverider's back. Wobbling a little from having been on the floor for so long, but finding his footing as he extended a hand.]
Just do try not to knock me over. I will be quite annoyed.
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Trust me. Even if it does not work, I promise to only be upset for...hm, thirty seconds.
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He's a little wobbly when he stands, but he manages, patting Viktor's shoulder in gratitude as he does.] Thanks, Vik. It'll be easier as I get more used to it.
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It will. You just need time and practice, that's all.
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[Petting Rio on the head with a small smile.]
It worked for me.
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One salad, for a new friend. [And he sets the tray down in front of her, hoping it warms her to him a little.]
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There you go. It's alright--we'll look after you. No more living in a laboratory, I promise.
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It is...a long story. I suppose there are some things neither of us really wish to talk about.
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Why don't we head to the hospital. On the way back, we can see if we can pick up a few things for her. A bed, maybe?
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[Just the same as Viktor had said himself. They were going to have a lot of hard conversations at some point, but it wasn't necessary right this minute. He shook his head and turned his attention back to Rio.]
You can watch the house for a little while, right? [She tilted her head and trilled quietly, tail waving.]
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[The doctor's visit went... significantly less well than Jayce had hoped. Both his femur and his tibia had broken. Shattered, the doctor had said. (Though Jayce was fascinated by this new technology of an x-ray that allowed him to see his improperly healed leg.
He had done the best he could with the brace and some guesswork, but adjustments would be needed, and he should look into a cane. Really, he ought to have been using one the entire time, but it was too late for that.]
Well. [Jayce sighs, passing a faintly trembling hand through his hair as they exit the building together.] That was worse than I thought, I guess.
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