boyofprogress | OPEN RP POST

You did not know because I did not want you to. Because it was not relevant, and then because I knew you would only worry when we both have our work to focus on.

[Still, he couldn't bring himself to look over, hand sitting loosely in Jayce's own.]

I do not expect or want to be the subject of your attention when we both have more important things requiring it.

Viktor. [It's quietly insistent and deeply heartfelt, his brow furrowing in both concern and frustration.]

You are important.

Do not be ridiculous. We both have work to do, I am not about to take precedence over that.

You can't work if you're dead! [It comes out snappish and frantic, more than a little desperate. Jayce's innermost worries tumbling helplessly out of him.]

Sorry, I -- That's not what I meant to say.

[Dryly:] ...Well, you're right. That is exactly why I do not see the value in wasting precious time worrying when we could be doing anything else.

That is... emphatically not what I meant, either. Viktor -- [He huffs a frustrated sigh, turning a little to try and address his partner more directly.] I know you know I feel about our work. You've known since the day you found me.

But I don't want you assume for one moment that I don't care about you and your wellbeing just as much.

I did not say as much, Jayce. [Stubbornly, he turned his head a little further in his refusal to make eye contact.]

I know that you do. I am saying you should not prioritize me when there are more pressing issues at hand. Between the Council, our own work, and anything else going on, I do not need or want my condition to be a distraction for either of us.

The Council? [He draws back a little, the slant of his eyebrows forming deep lines in his forehead.] Fuck them, I'd sooner quit the Council than risk not being there for you.

Which -- [He holds up a hand before Viktor can dismiss the sentiment yet again.] I heard what you said. But I don't know how long you were lying there, Viktor. If I'd been too late --

What-? [Viktor's head snapped up in a sudden turn, looking straight at Jayce with something between exhaustion and indignation. The dark circles under his eyes were more pronounced than ever, an irritated scowl worn into the lines on his face.]

Then the same thing would have happened that will happen regardless. You can not just--Jayce, you are one of the only people in that room that gives a damn about anything other than themselves. If you walk away from that, nothing is ever going to improve.

I could pass our thoughts onto Councilor Medarda and she can implement them. It's taking me away from the lab, it's taking me away from you. I could still do good, just -- from a distance.

[But the expression on Viktor's face causes him an almost physical pain, and he scrubs his hands over his face. When he speaks again, he sounds small. Tired.] If it means that much to you...

For the love of--Jayce, we promised we would help people. Improve lives, the world, whatever we could. Why-...

[His voice hitched unpleasantly in his throat, and Viktor looked away again with a faint scowl.]

...you...you should stay. With her, with the Council. I will not have you risk everything over something temporary.

[He looks up so quickly the muscles of his neck snap almost audibly, expression confused.] With her? What do you mean?

...Really? We are pretending you two do not make starry eyes at each other whenever you are in a room together? I saw the two of you do as much the night we met, for Janna's sake.

She's... [Another sigh. He'd been concerned that Viktor might be angry with him. That he knew somehow where he was that night that he collapsed, and the idea of it upset him.]

She's intelligent, and attractive. I can't deny that. But she's a friend, that's all. What I have with you means more than all that.

[He was angry, of course, but not about that. Those circumstances were out of anyone's control; it didn't matter where Jayce had been or what he had been doing, in Viktor's own mind. There was no reason to fault him for that.]

[What he could fault was this absolute stupidity. Quitting the Council over something like this, when staying could present opportunities to affect real and significant change? Absurd.]

There is no reason to defend yourself, Jayce. I am saying you will be better off staying where you are. At least then you will have some kind of purpose to focus on rather than an empty lab to return to in the future.

[He pulls away, standing and pacing over to the window instead. He's thrumming with anxious energy and needs to move somehow.]

I wish you would stop talking like you're going to drop dead tomorrow. Janna's mercy, Viktor, just because you've accepted your death doesn't mean I have!

...

Is it so objectionable that I want to know you will not be left alone if and when the worst should happen?

That's not fair to either of us, Viktor. Or to her, honestly. There is -- a mutual physical attraction, sure. But that's not where my heart lies. It wouldn't feel right to lean on her like that, knowing I don't feel the way she might want me to.

Fine, but the point stands. I do not expect you to quit the Council and drop everything for a temporary problem.

Viktor I swear sometimes you are so stubborn -- [In three long strides he's across the room and cupping his hands over either side of Viktor's face to draw him up into a heated, bordering on desperate kiss]

What are y- [That was all he managed to get out except for the abrupt gasp of surprise that was swiftly interrupted, gold eyes wide with shock as Viktor's mind raced with something like panic--we can't, he can't do this, what is he thinking, this is just going to hurt him--before going abruptly blank.]

[Because of course he wanted this, no matter how terrible an idea. No matter how much it was going to hurt the one person who mattered, selfish as Viktor was he still wanted it. He needed this warmth and contact now more than ever--thin and trembling fingers twisting in Jayce's collar, a soft and desperate whine vibrating in the back of his throat. Please. Please don't leave me alone.]

[One knee goes to the sofa cushion so he can support himself without taking his hands off of Viktor, and he needs to be closer right now. He should have done this ages ago. He should have done this while they were floating that night, and every night since.

There's a moment of worry, of doubt, but then Viktor is pulling him close and oh sweet mercy that noise. Even if this doesn't go beyond today, at least he'll have that noise and the feeling of Viktor's mouth against his to remember.]

Jayce- [Barely louder than a whisper, soft and insistent against his partner's mouth as Viktor tried as hard as he could to formulate an argument. Or any real coherent thought at all, half-lidded eyes trying to keep some semblance of focus.] -you shouldn't-...I-...

[Logic was desperately trying to get desire in a headlock and stop this before it started, with limited success judging by how any objection faltered in quietly shuddering breaths.]

Maybe not. [He can feel Viktor's breath against his mouth, and he decides then and there that this is worth everything. He strokes the backs of his fingers over his partner's cheek, pulling away only a little to try and judge his expression. Seeking answers that don't quite have questions.]

But this is what I meant. This is where my affection lies. Here, with you.

I...

[Slowly, Viktor forced himself to let go of Jayce's collar; turning his head and lowering his eyes rather than look at him.]

I can not let you do this. For your own sake, just stop this now before one of us does something you will regret later.

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