boyofprogress | OPEN RP POST

[He let himself be guided without complaint on that front, at least--truthfully, he was exhausted. And truthfully (selfishly), some part of him desperately wanted that casual touch right now.]

I believe we are having some manner of miscommunication. While your help as well as your mother's is truly appreciated, I do not require it. You can leave me alone without worrying that anything else will happen.

No you're communicating clearly, I'm just disagreeing with you. [He sits next to Viktor, crowding close despite all the room left on the sofa. Their knees are touching, as are their shoulders, but they still feel too far away.

So to fix this he rests his hand on Viktor's knee, heaving an exhausted sigh.] I thought I lost you that night. When I carried you to the doctor, you were barely breathing.

You might not need me here. But I need to be here.

...

[What could he possibly say to argue with that? What little fight was in Viktor immediately left him, silently refusing to look at Jayce but not pushing his hand away.]

...I did not want you to see me like that. Or even like this.

I understand. But I did. Gods, Viktor, I barely left that room the entire time. I didn't want to be gone, if --

[He breaks off with a choked noise, and he digs the fingers of his free hand into the sofa cushion to avoid gripping Viktor too tight.] I've missed too much already.

[Still quiet, he laid a thin and chilled hand over Jayce's own. Always so much warmer, full of life and vitality--enviable, really.]

...you can stay, but I do not need or want to be taken care of. Neither of us really wants to subject ourselves to that.

I can do that. It's a good compromise. I'll stay, but I won't do anything for you unless it's asked for.

Aside from my mom's food. [There's a wry sort of laugh there.] Some things cannot be stopped.

[He hummed quietly in acknowledgement, but said little else at first. This was a mistake, but there would be no convincing Jayce of that. And Viktor just didn't have it in him to be any harsher in effort to put distance between them for both their sake.]

...It is not my intention to sound ungrateful. That is not the case. I would just prefer to contend with this alone.

I know you can. Of course you can, you have before. But you know you don't need to this time, right?

[He turns his hand so their palms are touching, slotting his fingers into the spaces between Viktor's to link their hands] I'm so sorry I didn't realize what was going on until you -- until that night. I should have paid better attention. I will, from now on.

You did not know because I did not want you to. Because it was not relevant, and then because I knew you would only worry when we both have our work to focus on.

[Still, he couldn't bring himself to look over, hand sitting loosely in Jayce's own.]

I do not expect or want to be the subject of your attention when we both have more important things requiring it.

Viktor. [It's quietly insistent and deeply heartfelt, his brow furrowing in both concern and frustration.]

You are important.

Do not be ridiculous. We both have work to do, I am not about to take precedence over that.

You can't work if you're dead! [It comes out snappish and frantic, more than a little desperate. Jayce's innermost worries tumbling helplessly out of him.]

Sorry, I -- That's not what I meant to say.

[Dryly:] ...Well, you're right. That is exactly why I do not see the value in wasting precious time worrying when we could be doing anything else.

That is... emphatically not what I meant, either. Viktor -- [He huffs a frustrated sigh, turning a little to try and address his partner more directly.] I know you know I feel about our work. You've known since the day you found me.

But I don't want you assume for one moment that I don't care about you and your wellbeing just as much.

I did not say as much, Jayce. [Stubbornly, he turned his head a little further in his refusal to make eye contact.]

I know that you do. I am saying you should not prioritize me when there are more pressing issues at hand. Between the Council, our own work, and anything else going on, I do not need or want my condition to be a distraction for either of us.

The Council? [He draws back a little, the slant of his eyebrows forming deep lines in his forehead.] Fuck them, I'd sooner quit the Council than risk not being there for you.

Which -- [He holds up a hand before Viktor can dismiss the sentiment yet again.] I heard what you said. But I don't know how long you were lying there, Viktor. If I'd been too late --

What-? [Viktor's head snapped up in a sudden turn, looking straight at Jayce with something between exhaustion and indignation. The dark circles under his eyes were more pronounced than ever, an irritated scowl worn into the lines on his face.]

Then the same thing would have happened that will happen regardless. You can not just--Jayce, you are one of the only people in that room that gives a damn about anything other than themselves. If you walk away from that, nothing is ever going to improve.

I could pass our thoughts onto Councilor Medarda and she can implement them. It's taking me away from the lab, it's taking me away from you. I could still do good, just -- from a distance.

[But the expression on Viktor's face causes him an almost physical pain, and he scrubs his hands over his face. When he speaks again, he sounds small. Tired.] If it means that much to you...

For the love of--Jayce, we promised we would help people. Improve lives, the world, whatever we could. Why-...

[His voice hitched unpleasantly in his throat, and Viktor looked away again with a faint scowl.]

...you...you should stay. With her, with the Council. I will not have you risk everything over something temporary.

[He looks up so quickly the muscles of his neck snap almost audibly, expression confused.] With her? What do you mean?

...Really? We are pretending you two do not make starry eyes at each other whenever you are in a room together? I saw the two of you do as much the night we met, for Janna's sake.

She's... [Another sigh. He'd been concerned that Viktor might be angry with him. That he knew somehow where he was that night that he collapsed, and the idea of it upset him.]

She's intelligent, and attractive. I can't deny that. But she's a friend, that's all. What I have with you means more than all that.

[He was angry, of course, but not about that. Those circumstances were out of anyone's control; it didn't matter where Jayce had been or what he had been doing, in Viktor's own mind. There was no reason to fault him for that.]

[What he could fault was this absolute stupidity. Quitting the Council over something like this, when staying could present opportunities to affect real and significant change? Absurd.]

There is no reason to defend yourself, Jayce. I am saying you will be better off staying where you are. At least then you will have some kind of purpose to focus on rather than an empty lab to return to in the future.

[He pulls away, standing and pacing over to the window instead. He's thrumming with anxious energy and needs to move somehow.]

I wish you would stop talking like you're going to drop dead tomorrow. Janna's mercy, Viktor, just because you've accepted your death doesn't mean I have!

...

Is it so objectionable that I want to know you will not be left alone if and when the worst should happen?

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